Uncertainty.

I've realized recently that I freak myself out a lot by exaggerating everything a heck lot more...to only myself. It's kind of scary...I'm in my last year of highschool...I'm applying for universities and scholarships...I'm learning to be indepedent. And yet throughout it all, starting from the beginning...it's been rare since i asked...what's God going to do. And not just in fellowship and church but in my LIFE. What does HE want for me? What's He doing THROUGH me?
Even as I am currently writing the last essay for the Canadian Mert award, there's this sense of uncertainty, this sense of fear that things won't go exactly the way they are in my head. It's still very surreal to me that I'm in grade 12...i mean I don't feel any different...sure we feel older and we know everybody in the school...but what about my future? it scares me that it seems so close. I mean I have to apply for universities and what not. and as I'm rushing and planning my future, I hear this little voice. "What if things don't work out this way?" What if I don't get into the university i want to get into? (Queens) and What if I don't get any scholarships and don't have a 90 average and cant get into my program? Then what?

then i hear this other little voice (i'm not psychotic) and it says.."Why are you worrying so much? Whatever happen to giving it up to God this year and letting Him lead you where He wants you to go. Until last year, I never really understood how you can glorify God's kingdom by going to school. I mean...why don't we all just go out and do missions or something and not go to school? But as I study biology and physics and chemistry and all those fun other subjects, i begin to realize and see God in everything. Every little thing i learn in biology amazes me because I realized...God created it all...I mean EVERY little intricate thing. amazing. it's breathtaking.

and in my head i have this little plan that I'm going to serve God by being a (insert occupation) in the future and going to ( insert university) and all that jazz. but at the same time God is saying.."What if i don't want you there?"

I have this amazing fear that i wont get into Queens...because then I wouldn't know what to do. I scared that maybe God doesn't want me there. But then I remembered this:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

and there's reassurance. So even though I'm sinking into a whole sea of uncertainty, it's like there's this little bubble around me that I cant see, helping me understand that everything is going to be alright.