summer's greatest lesson

so...it's the last weekend of summer, the second last day before the final year of highschool starts and i'm sitting here thinking about the question my dear friend Cheryl Li asked me on tuesday.

What was biggest lesson this summer?

This summer I must say, has been different. There's been some happy times and some times where I just want to crawl in my bed and cry. There's been times where i laughed so hard my face hurt and times where I just don't want to face reality. This summer, I must say has been filled with lessons as well as blessings beyond belief. I thank God for allowing me to wake up every morning and know that there is a purpose for each day. So I've learned two VERY important things this summer.

Love
This word brings up so many emotions. Pain. Joy. Disappointment. Confusion. Growth. Satisifaction.
I've learned that love really isn't as easy as I thought it was. Love takes so much more than just three words to show someone you love them. This past summer, my grandfather passed away and as much as I loved him, I never felt that I loved him enough. After he died, i felt guilty that I guess I never spent as much time with him as I should have. For a time, I felt a huge amount of regret overcome me, of things I wish I did. I guess I never really knew how much I loved him until his funeral and I jus cried my eyes out, realizing how much he loved me and truly how proud of me he was. Grandparents, my grandparents anyways, sometimes don't know how to show how much they love you. But I realized that every smile, every laugh, or just that simple look on his face when he was able to go out to eat or see the whole family together, that memory is enough to put a smile on my face.

I also learned that I'm so afraid to love. It's true. After what happened last summer, I've been so scared to love, so scared of hurting somebody. And yet that fear is the very thing that got me into a mess because as much as I'm scared to love, I want to love. to the point where I no longer knew where my border was. I learned that loving an imperfect person is hard but heck that's what love is right? otherwise it'll be darn easy. I learned love can be disappointing but at the same time can be so amazing because it can make someone do crazy things. Before the summer, one of my counsellors told me that my view of love was very immature, that view of love being that it can create a lot of pain. But this summer allowed me to see those amazing, selfless parts of love, those unforgetable moments that are forever irreplaceable. So thank you.

I am also amazed by the fact that God could love a person like me.

Time
I learned that time doesn't wait for you. You want to do something? GO DO IT. ha i should follow my own advice shouldn't i. This summer, i learned to cherish EVERYTHING from a simple lunch to amazing chillage with people. From family dinnners to joax at the mall. I realized that every moment counts and everything is equal. Everything I do is going to count for eternity. EVERYTHING. So even when I feel like nobody is watching me, God is. So why not make the most out of my time? and do everything with a smile : )

so yes that is my blog for today. If you read it, congratulations because it's SO long. haha