The Father's embrace

okay so edit. haha just like how sharon does with her posts :P lol Yesterday was a horrible day...and i mean it was horrible for many reasons:
a) none of my teachers were here and my tests and stuffs got moved which totally ruins schedule

b) i broke three guitar strings while TUNING people usually break their's playing..i broke mine tuning :( so sad

c) i no longer had motivation to do anything in life...starting to fall apart

d) and finally...im just tired...so tired

and i couldn't take it anymore. I mean...meetings after meetings...people after people coming to me asking for help. And how can i say no? love others right? But...there comes to a point...where you do it out of...just doing it...the purpose is lost...it becomes meaningless...And last night...i found out just how depressing and dangerous that could be.

Last night, I no longer had the motivation to do anything. I felt like...i was just going through this day, wishing it would end. And i have friends who say, "What's wrong?" or "Is there anything I can do?" ..Truth..there wasn't anything anyone could do...because the only thing I needed...was God. and then people at school go, "omgsh agnes is so spiritual" It has nothing to do with being spiritual. It has everything to do with focus, the thirst of wanting to be found, to be embraced, to talk to someone who is CONSTANTLY there and knows EXACTLY what is going on.

GOD

And how amazing He truly is. As i said, i couldn't do any work and so i decided to go upstairs at 10 because I knew unless I fixed things up with God, nothing else will be fixed. It's kinda weird...it's like...when I fall away from Him, everything crumbles. I mean at first, it seems okay, then slowly, things start to just..die. And so i sat in my room last night...crying...praying...well crying while praying. And for the first time in a VERY LONG time..i prayed...a genuine prayer, pleading for His strength, confessing that I'm so weak and so confused and just SO tired. And people are like..oh crying solves nothing....but crying to God...solves everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. After a good half an hour of tearful prayer, I felt better. Not just like..oh better for a day...but not alone, embraced by my awesome and faithful Father. And that was it. All it took for me to come back again, all it took for me to feel content, happy. It's funny...reminded of that Rob Bell video this morning...about how when we mourn, that's when God can hold us the closest.

And last night, I felt the embrace of my Father : )