I have this huge urge to blog before i keep rethinking and bursting into tears.
I feel so empty right now...i felt so invisible tonight. It was kind of like walking into fellowship and even though people talk to you, i don't know..i had this lonely feeling....or maybe it was just me in a bad mood. but keeping that smile on works..until you just cant keep it up anymore. When you don't show sadness...just...no expressions.
Sometimes i feel like i've done so many things wrong to other people....like i always constantly mess up...saying the wrong things...doing the wrong things. and it's like..constantly being judged for it. iuno ..i got my bio test back today..highest mark in the class...and my teacher says it outloud too..and even before he said it..heard people saying...."Oh it's going to be Agnes again" and it hurts. I mean...you're not supposed to be ashamed of good marks right? but when people look at you like...they hate you and judge you because you're trying your best..like it hurts. It's not like i want to beat everybody. I just wanted to do good. *sigh I don't know...i wasnt feeling so great the rest of the day.
*sigh...i feel so alone right now. =(
3 comments:
you aren't alone, you have God, and me =) and everyone else. sometimes its good to not have to walk into every situation life throws at you with a smile cause that's why everyone around you is there to help you through it. i don't judge you, never =) love ya just the way you are :) don't change :)
hey agnes,
ummmm... i think what you blogged is really honest and truthful. people judge out of situations like that when they are jealous and are unable to attain things that you are able to. So what you got the highest marks? Getting the highest marks is not a shameful thing, and if anything, maybe instead of you thinking that they are judging you for being hardworking, goal seeking, and able to achieve greater things, think of it as flattery:) in all honesty, those who are jealous and hate on you for things like that, is only because they are unsatisfied that they have not been able to achieve the level of greatness that you have. So be proud, but not too proud, and let them hate on you, because there are others who love you for what you have and can do.
True friends will be there not only during times of hurt, but are there to celebrate your joys & achievements. Don't let others bring you down for your achievements. CONGRATS on your mark!! It is something to be proud of!
Agnes, on any night (or day) you feel blah (for any better words), come find anyone one of us in Koinonia, let us pray with you, and share our joy with you b/c you always share your joy with all of us (let us return the favour).
*hugs*
Post a Comment