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see my last post was oh so happy...and now the happy face turned upside down :( why? because I'm thinking again...about way too many things...jus....pondering...reminiscing...not knowing what to do...confused...feeling lonely...wanting...a hug? haha the one day i get to take a break from drama...i go and think and make myself upset...aww man...k well I guess i gotta pour it out before it jus kinda starts killing me.
What is worth it? What makes something for you worth it that you keep striving for it? Is something worth it if it's breaking you up and making you die inside? Could we possibly just create an illusion for ourselves to believe that some things are worth it because perhaps we're scared to let go or we just don't want to...because it makes up who we are or we've fought for it so much that we can't just give it up like that? So what do you do? What do you do when's something's affecting everything you do...yet you can't just let go? Do you jus sit there and be confused and i duno...

I'm currently...feeling...lonely? I don't know why...but I just kinda do...I don't know if it was because of yesterday....or I'm just regreting..not of things I've done..but what i didn't do? I've been smiling all week...and yet there's just been so many things clogged up inside of me whether it be coffeehouse or relationships ...I'm tired...i need rest..and i can't because these things....i'm not letting out...causing me to be ready to explode...*sigh....Why smile when you're not happy? I say I want to be transparent..but really how many people know me for me...and i hate it...because I'm so scared...maybe of what others think of me...or what not...I'm tired of bottling everything up...*sigh....I'm tired of inversing my priorities and getting screwed over.

Father God I cry out to you because it's time like these when I realize that I can't do it anymore...that I've relied on myself too much, making myself sick and weary. And Father I pray that You forgive me for not looking up to You for help, not relying on You. Father I surrender it all to you God, placing all my burdens and worries into your hands in prayer.

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life.

starting fresh...