call to action.

okay so today was a pretty good day

church and painting and nat's house and dinner with my grandparents


I'm slowly beginning to see that people matter a lot to me. I mean yea I knew that before...but it hits you when you realize...some things. So my grandparents came back to Canada, after being gone for like..two years. and I haven't seen them for a really long time. And you know...as people get old, they get sicker and stuff, and i've been worried and stuff but i was really excited to see them. My grandma looked the same and everything...and what hit me was my grandpa. He came in...on a wheelchair, which i knew he would, but i guess it never really hit me. He was so much skinnier, he looked so small. Two years ago, he was walking with a walking stick and it was okay. I mean he still got spunk. But when i saw him today...he looked so sad, so hopeless, so lifeless...so weak. And it made me want to cry. And even when i saw him smile a little bit, just to see his daughters, his grandchildren, it made him look so frail...so fragile. And i guess im still wanting to cry as i type this....I mean i guess i never really knew my grandparents mattered that much to me until now. And for the entire dinner...i felt so...i don't know...sad. Age is getting to him, and im slowly realizing that moments need to be treasured. I'm slowly realizing that it all matters to him, that everyday matters.

And a thought that even made me sadder was that...while so sick, so incapable of doing so many things, He doesn't know God. It kills to think that he's going by everyday, not knowing that something better might be in store for him, not knowing that there's someone who loves Him so much and is going to make everything okay. Totally strike me how important sharing God's word is. So ...action time.

neverending prayer and action.

summer here i come

Yes yes yes!

I am officially

DONE

hehe yayyy summer here i come! haha

that means i can...

-visit kitty and darren sometime @ waterloo
-play softball
-go to wonderland
-bbqsss : )
-go out after fellowship
-go SHOPPING
-eat and ddr and slack off at home

: ) oh what a wonderful time hahaha : P

P.S. Kitty, don't worry! I'll come...but i have to wait till everybody else finishes...so that university children can drive me : P

almost done almost done! : )

yayyy i survived..last week...

im surviving this week : )

it's almost coming to an end...one more days. and then i'll be DONE

religion exam yesterday was SOO easy :) I felt so happy afterwards haha
but math..*sigh we'll see it was okay la~ i don't like exams that were okay la~

then i can paint after exams!:) i have to paint tiles for teachers that are leaving...im excited...haven't painted for a while..like ACTUALLY paint. haha nice to get my creativity flowing again.

Praise the Lord from bringing me through this week and even giving me time to do devos : ) oh He is so cool : )

Things to look forward to:
-softball (finally : P)
-worship night thingy : )
- grandparents coming
- painting
- wonderland w/ my girlprends :)
- graduation (singing) haha the deserts :P

: ) : ) yayyyy mad fun totally excited

exams on wed, thurs, fri.

comm tech cpt due tuesday...not done

which means didnt start studying

oh so screwed

but i'm not gonna go and totally rely on myself anymore. Done that for the past like..month and it SUCKS. Giving it all up to Him. my worries, my stress, my joys, my confusion, my accomplishments...are all His.

thanks guys for helping me through : ) and just checking up on me. you know who you are <3

one more week...then it's OVER :D

*sigh im like slowly disintergrating...

not like..burning or anything

just tired..exhausted..fed up..drained

and i'm so far from God...it's so hard these days for me to figure out the right thing to do...the thing God wants me to do.

It's so hard to keep devos consistant and have my heart at it when i do it

it's so hard to pray sincerely without having other things on my mind or without being too tired

*sigh nobody said it was going to be easy

but i jus wish i wasnt so weak

untitled.

so i dragonboated today. haha wow we did so bad. but w/e our first year. haha fun times with my team china : P haha go boys and the catwalk and that awesome game of pig :P haha good stuff. so today was alright..but inside....it feel...incredibly sad..iuno why. it's weird. yea i mean today was good..laughs and what not...but i feel...ridiculously empty. *sigh God what's wrong with me.

And iuno bible study on Friday....*haii iuno. it felt so weird...and i was so tired. sorry ivan.


ughhh soo dun wanna work

sooo tired

*sigh...imma pull through..it's almost over

getting back up on my feet

so the hecticness is FINALLY over (for now) I went through this week..and yes staying till like 2:30 doing an essay is DEFINATELY not fun. okay now...time to get back on track with God. As much as school is important, i gotta keep my eyes fix on God. Easier said than done.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." - Romans 5:3-5

I'm currently loving this verse. I don't know...I guess mainly because, as hard as it is to do, to rejoice in our sufferings, i want to learn how to. and as i do that...the end result is so promising. hope that does not disappoint. the only thing that is unchanging. His love.

So yesterday, it was St. Augustine's feast day (not birthday, my bad) and so we had mass. For those of you who don't know, I go to a catholic school. And the priest was teaching about that passage where Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. And the priest asked us this, "If Jesus was to ask you right now...what would your response be?"
As ashamed I feel saying this, I've lost track as to where i am with God. I feel like...I haven't really gone anywhere, nor have I tried to. The priest also mentioned that love is a word that means nothing until action is taken. If I haven't taken action lately, could I really say that I love God? So my goal from now on, put my love in action. it hurts to know that i haven't done that. But it takes so much more than just feeling ashamed, it takes change.

last night fellowship was really good, i liked it a lot. Just time to pray, to reflect. i especially liked the last part. that was so cool. : ) thanks candee, anita, & donna for planning it. you guys did an awesome job.

through it all

okay so im in comm tech...and i just finished my bio test. It was okay i guess..i don't know....im scared : ( i need these grades man. needa pull it up to like...a 95 before exams cuz i know im going to drop after exams.

okay i've gone through half of the week and...survived.

I survived...i'm so surprised. so you know that long list of stuff i had to do...well here's what's left.

Math Test next period
Religion ISP essay due friday
Pig dissection package due friday
Comm tech careers package due tomorrow

i believe that is it...

i've gone through half of my stuff

how amazing is that : )

Praise the Lord for He is faithful and carries us through

a few more days to go...then iuno..nothing for next week so far....i REALLY hope there's no homework this weekend....that's not going to happen. haha

okay posting HOPE pictures tomorrow..just for u trisiaaaaaa : P <3

sunshine makes me happy : )

so eggie survived her saturday through the grace of her amazing Father. eggie woke up at 8 in the morning and watch family shows and did homework. Then she went out and played softball : ) which was fun haha man i hafn't played in a while. and during practice, i sadly had to break it to pretty barry that...he wasn't very pretty. BUT i did love your flower : ) and andy told me to practice softball in my head for the past few weekends :P because i'm not allowed to go to softball until exams are over : ( which is june 23.

Then agnes went to car wash : ) which was awesome. a huge success and i had tonz of fun.

but agnes came home with a sunburn..that doesnt hurt =/ lolz. so yes

and agnes finished her website and all the writeup for bio cpt : )

agnes feels like a champ

actually no..God is a champ for carrying me through : )

and it's so hot...totally the weather to wear skirts : ) yayy skirt and sandals season! im excited haha

OH and i watched my first episode of captain planet today! AHHA it's so old school

eggie is...
tired
hungry
confused
overthinking
unmotivated
being made fun of : (
looking forward to summer
excited for school to end
excited for softball this saturday
learning that God gives and takes away and that He NEVER leaves
doing well in school : )
loving the sun (finally) this week

so the good overweighs the bad : )

and that my friends is what keeps me going

victoria weekend

so yesterday was the last day of victoria weekend. I've waited for this weekend for AGES. haha well like...two weeks ever since the end of my PA day at the beginning of may. SO yea : ) it was fun. I am satisified. Got some work done, got to chill with peeeps :) it felt nice. So recap time!

Friday
Cell group night :) it was fun, chilling with Melody Ng :) and flying in the mall hahahhaa i love little kids hhaa so joax mel while everybody was running around fillin out the scavenger hunt It turned out alright : ) i hope people bonded and i think pat and bev had fun : ) haha yayyersss. AHAH soo joax with bev after haha "maybe if we peek into the kitchen enuf times, they'll give us food" hahaha soo high omgsh! haha and yes i am beverly's mother : ) hehe and bev being a pig stole waffles from eric's group haha soo joax Friday was fun : )

Saturday
guitar lessons with JW at 11:00 : ) im getting betterrrr i can tell haha i feel happy : ) haha but bar cords : ( i cant do bar cords..oh well more practicing. haha my fingers have blisters haha so not fun haha it's okayyy it's worth it. Then i went home ate lunch..then DA VINCI CODE! haha omgsh we shouldn't have watched with like...three girls hahahhaa soo freaky! haha me and jane SCREAMED! haha that movie was quite disturbing. but it was fascinating too..kinda weird....and stuffs so yea. haha it was pretty good though. I gotta go reread the book becuase i forgot most of the stuff lolz

Sunday
Went to church, silas ditched us for sunday school haha took pictures with mike and issyy haha then after sunday school, talked with my friendsss haha and darren took a picture of his mouth on my fone..so now my background is...darren's mouth. haha and the more i look at it, the more it looks like his mouth haha darn you darren tsang haha and when i first look at it i thought they were lights. lolz then...at night..JFOK's SURPRISE BIRTHDAY THING : ) haha that was fun haha soo joax haha we shouldn't have put the streamers there though. haha but it was fun : ) i had fun haha i won one game of super smash bros against cy, eric & jon. hahaa yayyy :) im a champ haha one game was all i needed. haha made me feel happy haha and there was soo much foodd omgshhh soo good thank you auntie irene! haha so much meat...and veggies and fruits : ) haha i hadn't eaten that much in a very very long time haha it was good though. haha then had jason's cake : ) hehe it was good :) i like mango moose. then tim laughed @ me for thinking wedges and wedgies were the same thing : ( haha and yea : ) it was fun in general. i played gtar a little bit after watching family guy haha i had fun : ) hehe

so yes that is my weekend time to go finish studying the circulatory system. yay exciting

muckiness

so today started out okay. I mean sure i was tired, but the sun was out haha for once this week...honestly the weather's been bleh all week. then things didn't go so well..

i got my math test back...88%..yea yea i know 88 is good...but considering i was getting like..97, it's going to totally drop my mark : ( made me kind of upset...but then i got over it. And i was so tired....during choir i was hungry AND tired so DOUBLE WHAMMY and my tummy hurt : ( oh it wasn't fun. But i have my girls nat & jane 2 cheer me up lolz i love my bear daughter and my cat.
....so those things...no big deal, i get over them. *sigh then during dinnertime, that's when this day went bad. near the end of dinner, my mommy told me that her hand was starting to get numb. Apparently, her muscle near her shoulder is always tense and it's been like that for a few years. And now it's getting so tense to the point where her hands are starting to feel numb..like all the time...and that's kind of scary...and she was just talking about how she works so much and what not that she's always tense and like...stressed and what not.

So after dinner, as i sit there, doing my math homework, i figured, i could always go and do the dishes and what not. So i go and tell her that i could do the dishes tonight and she said, "One day of dishes isn't going to help. If you did it everyday, maybe it will" . ouch. that hurt. I mean i was only trying to help. But i guess she was really upset so she told me to go back and do my work. And then my dad came home from bringing my brother to scouts...*sigh...then they fought. And it hurts...actually it SUCKS seeing my mom like this, seeing her feel so misunderstood and just so...weary and not knowing how to fix it. and it's hard because my mom is the kind of person that always thinks about others before herself. No matter how stressed and tired she is, she'll still be doing the things she does. so it hurts even more to know that she's in this condition because of doing stuff for my family. so now what?

well i went up and prayed and cried and it's amazing how God is constantly there to listen. so now what?

I dont know...i guess i'll pray some more.

why stress?

stress...

it kills people doesn't it.

people seemed to be amazed at the times where i just...stay calm when i have billion things to do.

I think I've come...to a realization that I'm not doing everything for myself anymore. I mean yea my future depends on my marks...but im getting good grades for God. I mean He doesn't need them. But i'm doing it for Him, knowing that He gave me an opportunity to even go to school as much as it is a drag sometimes. When it's no longer about me...no longer about...what's going to happen to me and all about how this is going to praise Him, I automaticaly do my best knowing that that's what He deserves.

So breathe...take a moment away from all that work, all those projects, problems

and pray. and put it all in His hands

because I mean stressing is just what Satan wants us to do. Not trust in God. Not have faith in Him that we'll be carried through it. Don't fall into that trap. I know i've fell into too many times. It's like these holes you keep falling into. You gotta learn to walk AROUND them.

breathe. pray. and smile : )

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. - Proverbs 3:5

The Father's embrace

okay so edit. haha just like how sharon does with her posts :P lol Yesterday was a horrible day...and i mean it was horrible for many reasons:
a) none of my teachers were here and my tests and stuffs got moved which totally ruins schedule

b) i broke three guitar strings while TUNING people usually break their's playing..i broke mine tuning :( so sad

c) i no longer had motivation to do anything in life...starting to fall apart

d) and finally...im just tired...so tired

and i couldn't take it anymore. I mean...meetings after meetings...people after people coming to me asking for help. And how can i say no? love others right? But...there comes to a point...where you do it out of...just doing it...the purpose is lost...it becomes meaningless...And last night...i found out just how depressing and dangerous that could be.

Last night, I no longer had the motivation to do anything. I felt like...i was just going through this day, wishing it would end. And i have friends who say, "What's wrong?" or "Is there anything I can do?" ..Truth..there wasn't anything anyone could do...because the only thing I needed...was God. and then people at school go, "omgsh agnes is so spiritual" It has nothing to do with being spiritual. It has everything to do with focus, the thirst of wanting to be found, to be embraced, to talk to someone who is CONSTANTLY there and knows EXACTLY what is going on.

GOD

And how amazing He truly is. As i said, i couldn't do any work and so i decided to go upstairs at 10 because I knew unless I fixed things up with God, nothing else will be fixed. It's kinda weird...it's like...when I fall away from Him, everything crumbles. I mean at first, it seems okay, then slowly, things start to just..die. And so i sat in my room last night...crying...praying...well crying while praying. And for the first time in a VERY LONG time..i prayed...a genuine prayer, pleading for His strength, confessing that I'm so weak and so confused and just SO tired. And people are like..oh crying solves nothing....but crying to God...solves everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. After a good half an hour of tearful prayer, I felt better. Not just like..oh better for a day...but not alone, embraced by my awesome and faithful Father. And that was it. All it took for me to come back again, all it took for me to feel content, happy. It's funny...reminded of that Rob Bell video this morning...about how when we mourn, that's when God can hold us the closest.

And last night, I felt the embrace of my Father : )

ughh today is SOo not a good day..i SO dont feel like doing ANYTHING this week : ( i just want to crawl in my bed and hide under the covers :(

abc...it's easy as 123

okay so update from my last post...i wrote my mom a note that morning..and everything turned out okay! :) so yessss

anywhoosss PA day yesterday :) haha nat and jane came over and we ddr-ed haha soo joax and we watched a lil of high school musical haha it was fun haha soo joax jane looks like she wants to fly when she ddrs haaha then bible study...went alright i guess...just needing a lito more concentration. but thanks Ivan for leading most of it! :)

This morning..i had guitar lessons with JW : ) haha yayy and i have a guitar too! thanks liann and anita! : ) and JW's story was soo cool!!!! :) PTL

so i drove to insurance class today which was all the way in scarbrough and i survived! i drove back too! it wasnt THAT bad i guess..but now im tired. and i cant go bbq @ JC's house again this week because..well agnes has a religion test monday then a math and bio test tuesday : (
oh so sad

cabby meeting tomorrow :) k back 2 nerdinggg

: (

*sigh...so much on my mind...it's not always easy dealing with your parents

so what happened was...two nights ago...i had a lot of bio homework and i was very fustrated..so my mom came in and asked if i wanted help. So willingly i said yes. When she was doing it, i was getting just...angry because I just didn't care anymore. My homework was SOO stupid! my teacher PURPOSELY whited out words for us to fill in....like..WHAT?!??!!? so retarded...so i got really pissed off...and i kind of ended up giving my mom attitude. Then she got angry and she was like...just because you're angry at your teacher doesnt mean you have to show it to me. And she got really angry...and it was like..11:30 at night. So the next day..she decided....to not talk to me so i haven't talk to my mom for 24 hours :( And she wont until i say sorry and i dont know how to because im scared because she's so angry. *sigh and then i'm giong to end up crying again...gosh..couldnt work last night because of it all in my mind.

*sigh i hope everything goes better today

weekend fun

okay so my weekend went well : )

Friday Night
my poor "daughter" got a fever so she couldn't come to fellowship. Worship practice went alright : ) it was cool having so many people lolz. wow...then i had overhead problems until betty came and saved my life :P haha then we watched two episodes of Joan of Arcadia. Man im hooked! whoever is done with their DVD i want it NEXT! haha and we had healthy snacks haha like eric said "all of us will have no problem pooing tonight" LMAO! haha i love carrots and celery sticks with dip! :D

Saturday
I drove my daddy to work and we drove to Markville and the Dollar Store at Warden :) haha i'm still bad at driving :( i need to improve! haha i will prove eric and david wrong :P went to bbq at Jon's house at like...5 he wasn't even home yet! ahha so we ended up starting bbq at like...6 :) darren, jason, david, eric, cheryl, kenneth, and kitty were there :) mad fun :) haha soo joax with darren's picture haha a little too happy touching jason's waist there hahaha and aww i miss cheryl :( leaving to go to missions. Hope you have fun girl! the sausages were yummy! :) and the burgerss even though there was no ketchup lol it was good! :) haha had tonz of fun. It was just a good time to just relax and forget about school for like...2-3 hours. :) and it felt like summer haha yayy the beginning of our bbq season :)

Sunday
went to church. I loved the Rob Bell video today :) God's message of love. and something that Uncle Simon said during Sunday School stuck to me. He said, "Sometimes we don't evangelize because we're scared and we only not evangelize for two reasons a) we don't love God enough or b) we don't love the person enough. Sometimes we dare to not love."
it's such a weird way of looking at it. And today's message just totally reminds me of that whole outloving post i read on Tim Woo's blog a while ago :) imma outlove you all <3>

yay PA day friday! :) nat you're SOO coming over to "run" with me HAHA

i just came back from fellowship..standing outside for like..30minutes waiting for the boys to figure out where to go..it's cold tonight lol. But yea..it was okay...watching joan of arcadia : ) i like that showw i want to watch nowww lolz just totally reminds me that God uses ordinary people and in today's worship set...

"You use the weak to lead the strong" - Your Grace is Enough

:) total awesomeness. anywhooss nothing really happened today...i think... not that i remember anyways lolz. i drove today! :) haha to church ahha it was fun :P but yes. i have a lot of homework this weekend too :( but it's okay! i shall finish it haha

yay bbq 2morrow.i wish i can go to the zoo with them : ( but i got work to do..so yes. time to go 2 bed..i'm crazy tired lately...don't know why...=/

assurance

so i did my bio and math test today. I don't think i did too well : (. So i got sad. I got upset and fustrated and today just didn't seem like a cool day. Then a thought came to me in comm tech class. I was so happy last night listening to made to worship by Chris Tomlin (amazing song btw) and now because of two tests...two marks...I get upset? For a split second i totally loose focus on God, forgetting for one moment that He had everything in control. After that...a rush of assurance came over me. yea...i'm upset...i mean i could've done better right? and i'm just really tired, but God's got in all in control. He gives and takes away, but His will is perfect and pleasing.

And i read candy's blog just now...about being a servant. once again being reminded that marks and worldly things do not matter when it comes to serving God, and really that's all that should matter no?

Love God, Love people, nothing else matters.

when you do that...things just seem to flow into place. So I'm worshipping God no matter what. And I am not gonna doubt Him because He knows what's best for me.