haha fall festival today :) soo funn and the kids are SOO cute hahahaha mannn soo joax at our booth. we have the matching game and this kid was trying to play it with the deck that melody made..HAHA he tried looking THROUGH the cards..like..he stared them down and like...put is face practically to the table aww man me and david were laughing SOoOoO hardd hahaha total joax today with kathy LMAO! ahhaha i love that girl! she's so awesome! haha anywayss tonza fun :) haha jon wong & silas are so mean to me =( just because i want to be smart geezzz haha anywayss here's the link to the pictures for today =) my daddy came backkkk

http://www.imagestation.com/album/index.html?id=2118212855


awww hannah is soo cuuteeee


haha mel, jon & I being stupid ahhahaha


awwww emilyyy, me & kathyy =)


david & moi...eww his tongue is purple from the ring popp


eric stop hogging the camera! u're not DAT good looking hahahaa we gotta take another pic sometime


yuki, me & sammm =) hotness hahaah

randomness

tagged by Jon Cheung...

Rules of the game: Post 5 Weird and Random facts about yourself, then at the end, list the names of people who are next in line to do this.

1. I think of the weirdest things outta nowhere...like if you can ever turn paper back into tree and what not.
2. I think about..what ifs..a lot...thinking back i guess..causing myself to be depressed..which really does suck. SO yea..self inflicted pain =/
3. I like monkeys :) and I want to fly :) I especially like flying monkeys :)
4. I am a very ..VERY open person haha i tell people the weirdest things..like announcing that I have to go peee haha people like eric & natalie would know :P
5. I can talk better with guys better than girls. like...3/4 of my friends are guys.

haha im jus overall weird...

i tag...cyrus...michael...dexter...karen & darren. go do it now! =)


goodbye friends

He loved me first...

1 John 4: 18-19
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.We love because he first loved us.

I love because He loved me first.
I forgive because He forgave me first.
I show compassion because He was compassionate to me first
I comfort others because He comforted me first
I persevere because He persevered first
I give because He gave to me first...

the greatest gift of all...

His love, His Grace, His Life.

He did it all for me...for you...for us.

I do everything...because He did it first

i was thinking about today...and realized how everything is going so well :) for the past few days being able to spend time with people, talking to people, doing good in school...I mean sure my life's got difficulties...but i reflect on my life and wonder why it is that i freak out sometimes..why i make a big deal out of the bad things when i have soo much around me that makes it so...enjoyable..so beautiful..so worth living for =) Like the people, the love, the compassion, nature, all of that..even the troubles..the ones that make up who i am..and teach me how to be better for God and for those around me. I don't know...reading my friend's blog and there was this quote that just stuck to me. It says...
"When things fall apart I don’t have to fall apart with them."

and I was thinking..wow that's so true...i mean you look at the sentence and it's like...yea htat's common sense..but how many of us actually think like that? like when things are just colliding and fallling apart in our lives..how many of us ACTUALLY think like that? Realizing that we have the choice to fall apart is a big deal...i mean realizing that it's not other things that's bringing us down but ourselves. I don't konw..not making any sense anymore...lolz..but yea... i thot it was really nice =) pretty cool stuff but yes..that is my blob for today =)

good day

turkey weekend :)

omgshh...cool day today :) and yesterday. :) k let's start with yesterday....so I went to go see corpse bride w. Jimmy & Natalie :) cutest movie EVER! sooo sweeetttt :) i was like...awwwwwwwww so many timessss haha but yes...amazing stuff :) then after Nat left, I got to talk to Jimmy for a while :) walked around and what not. It was really cool. I missed talking to that kid lolz. But yes....it was interesting and jus awesome fun :) hehe

Today....today was soo cool! i did worship this morning..so woke up crazy early..well 7:30..still!! haha but yes. It was cool :) it's fun doing worship w/ Silas & Kenneth ahha. Worship went okay...i was so self conscious dough..of my voice..lolz...i was so scared..so scared i would start off wrong :P haha but yes...everything went okay..=) and i saw all the university people! amazing coolness ahha good 2 see darren again haha cuz he came when i left on friday :( but i saw everyone else friday! =) that was fun too! Go second cup =) haha but yes. It was cool =) seeing all these ppl again. and them and their like...mcmaster and waterloo sweaters haha i want oneeeeeee :( haha but yea. =) pretty cool day overall..going to my aunt's house for dinner 2night..but yes..2morrow is ognna b a very long and boring day though :( everything's closed and nobody 2 hang out with..oh well i guess staying home would do me some good =) Welcome back everyone!

and happy turkey holiday =)

boys make me wanna cry.

thanks cyrus =)

weekend

this weekend has been pretty cool =) I'm pretty satisfied. actually..this whole week has been pretty cool. I mean sure..busyness and what not..but hey I mean...tonza things totally make up for it. this week just talking to some people I haven't talked to in a while and more venting..*sigh i gotta stop having so much..anger and upsetness inside. but yea...wednesday was interesting...i somehow felt better after it all..but at the same time..guilty...mean...absolutely disgusted with myself. I don't know...after that day i couldn't stop thinking...
then..friday was pretty cool =) ate dinner with Ivan, Mel & David, talking about our cell group, expectations, visions and so forth : ) it was really cool just spending time with them before the year continues : ) Had a great time during the program =) great job eric & gilford! ^^ hehe absolutely funness...haha anywyass yes..then came..saturday
saturday was the highlight of my weekend =) wow i havent been out ALL day in a LONGG time. lol....so yea woke up in the morning @ 8..got dressed and ready to go to university fair with eric, yuki, bev, & danielle =) haha soo joax...so we subway-ed down to union station. went to uni-fair. haha me and bev totally ditched the three of them :P haha sorry guyss.it was really cool..never knew there were so many universities..so many oppportunities. so yea that was that....the went to eaton center =) haha good stuff bev is getting me blingssss =) we got eric's present...>< so much moneyyy ughhh hahha u better like it kiddo! but yes...then back to finch station...i felt like crap :( and THEN eric & bev made fun of me! XP i dun like u guys *hmph..haha then the highlite of my day..bev in the car LMAO! HAHA aww man total joax! danielle tries 2 sleep and bev goes and sings! and like..dances LMAO! soo joaxxx soo loud and like..soo off-tune..killing all the good songs! hahaha then she's like..waving her waterbottle out..soo scared she would cause an accident if she tossed it out..LMAO! hahahaha total joaxxxx and then...at night...eric & issy's bday dinner =) that was fun..good food...i love mel's drawing skills..and got 2 talk 2 jimmy & dexter after dinner =) i miss you jimmyyyy =( haha fun times in the car..hahaha the highwayy total joax =D

Today..Sunday..i felt like poop again after sunday school..*sigh..thanks eric, issy & yuki for being there =) I love you guysss. hahaha issy u're so funny..throwing my shoe in the center of the room! hahaha geee thx!!!! XP hahaha

that is about...good day =)

ughhh

man.friday night..i was ....*sigh....I just had so much....on my mind...first worship practice then actual fellowship..the program..and my cell group. wow...i so regreted taking on so much for ONE night. like..if it was spread out..i guess i would've been okay..but it was all on one night...kinda stressful. First...worship practice didnt start till like...6:45 *sigh...and i never knew that filled with your glory was new. apparently it is...and the chords were all screwy....and then we didnt have an overhead and we were like...starting crazy late...so i started frekaing out..and everything....and *sigh....it seemed like such a long night. i felt like...i screwed up? i don't konw...i jus felt like poop at the end of the day.

anywaysss yes im not gonna like..talk about friday night...if i talked 2 you..u kno how i feel...but thanks guys for everything =) thanks cyrus for reminding me of stuff :) Just totally reminded me that i needed to pray...that we as a fellowship, as a cabinet need to pray and that all those problems we have wont go away till we go about it the right way. God gave us these problems not expecting us to fix it ourselves, but to ask for help. And i learned something today...that God isn't gonna intercede unless you ask Him to. And when you do...He has his timing. We have to get back straight with God...that excitement, that passion, that fire at the beginning of the year...cannot be gone. We just gotta pray. A friend of mine told me that we're all kinda falling right now...and we're gonna keep falling until we ask for help..When we do, God will work, and we will fly =) yes people...fly. Thanks guys for friday night =) I needed it. just to get things outta my head. and thanks for everyone i talked to : ) I love you cabbyyyy people :D

and special happy birthday shoutout goes to issyypoooopp and bnardino =) happy swt 16 guysss

k....let's recap on the past week...man i dun even remember what happened on monday...okay...highlights of this week:
- felt like poop on monday
- soo joax in physics class w. bev and her alien haha her family :P LMAO haha
- bev and her twin (kenny) hahaha
- swimming with my swimming posseyyyyy on tuesdayyy :)

that should be about it regarding school ...yesterday was 2nd week of fellowship :) tonza fun haha it was "not" theme night haha :) i liked the powerpoint at the beginning : ) totally amazingg to symbolize part of our mission statement this year : ) amazing stuff! then we did "who's line is it anyways" to find out what each person was in the cabby : ) total fun and weirdness ahha so us cell group leaders (me, eric, clarence & janice) had to stand back to back and be wrapped in saran wrap then tissue paper. Therefore, my back was towards clarence and man was it hard. first...he was moving back and forth...so i was like...tilting and almost fell. THEN....then the gross-est thing happened! Clarene farted!!!!! and since he was soo much taller than me his butt is like..at my back..and he fartttt ewwwwwwww and i felt like..this rumble too!!!! aww mann soo gross!!! so yes...haha fellowship was fun dough : ) so awesomely cool haha go myers brigggg :) haha i am an extrovert (duh!) and a feeler. haha eric turned out to be a feeler :P haha soo joax then i got bored and drew a bracelet on his arm : ) haha soo sexi mannn haha and i wrote sexiness on it..but i was gonna write sexy...so now it looked like..."sexmess" haha sharon & eric's weird minds :P HAHA

After-fellowship funness was awesomeee :) haha went with eric, sharon, ken & michael..haha soo joaxx we were like...complimenting eric's lang jai-ness haha and then comparing him to orlando bloom LMAO soo joaxx haha then we were just talkin bout boys and what not : ) it was funn..just chilling :) haha awesome stuffff haha and u knooo u love ur bracelet ericcc :P total hotnesssss

seee i told u soo :P

new

so i haven't really blogged about my first week of school...it's been alright...getting use to the fact that I have to wake up at 7 every morning and sleep at 11:30 every night. I missed my friends over the summer. It's cool seeing them again everyday haha and just really cool this year because less laptop courses, which means that there are more people that I've never had classes w/ before like Alton and Kenny. Soyea it's been cool, physics class has been boring, yet fun thanks go Kenny and Bev. =P ahha My teachers aren't THAT bad I guess...things are starting out okay :) So tuesday was the start of a new school year....

Yesterday was the start of a new Koinonia year. A new year to grow, love, laugh, cry, sing, pray together. A new year with new people, new counsellors, new experiences...totally and incredibly exciting! :) I was so excited for last night. So went to church at 5:30 to practice for worship...that was really cool :) new worship team too! haha it's just really cool, actually realizing that it's a new year, and I could just feel God telling me that there's gonna be change, that this year is going to be like no other. Worship practice is always fun :) so went home and ate and then came back...and that's when the night began :) seeing all these new people got me soo excited! hahaha the whole night was just purely amazing. Got to talk to some of the gr 9s and other new people or people I don't usually talk to :P haha I am totally excited for this year :) we've got so many willing and committed people serving this year and this new year...the opportunity of a new start always sheds light and hope into everything :) Let that light keep shining and let not only the level of energy increase throughout the year in Koinonia, but may we become closer, closer to each other, closer to ourselves, and closer to God.

coincidence...destiny...fate...a plan?
why now? why this year?
why not 2 years ago? or 3? why this year?
why at this place?

some things don't change

you didn't and yet you did
we both did

what ifs come to mind...
what if i never left?
would we still be friends now?

my thoughts always seem to wander back to the past...childhood emotions

is it an illusion?
or are you really who I think you are?

schedule

okay first day of school....was well interesting...hectic..and all..turned out my classes weren't that bad...no classes with natalie or jane though :( total bummer. AND i have chemistry first...joy first thing is thinking in the morning ><><>

Sem 1 (Day 1)
Chemistry - Remedios
Visual Arts - Tong
Physics - Dziedzic
English - Pellecchia

Sem 2 (Day1)
Bio - Nazareth
Comm tech - Morassutti
Functions and relations - Burchat
Religion - Rooney

summer...

Before I slept last night, I was just reminiscing about my summer. My hot, amazing, busy, interesting summer. Just remember the friendships I made and the bonds broken and mended. Tomorrow is school and I cant help but ask myself where did my summer go??!??!?! But as much as there was so much more I wanted to do, I'm satisfied. I mean sure my summer had ups and downs, tears, anger and joy, but heck it was all worth it. I mean sure...tears hurt..pain hurts...but I got through it, learning to be strong and taking one day at a time, that it's okay to ask for help and that it's okay to take things slow when you're not ready. Summer...was for me a time to learn, adjust, realize, let go, laugh, and live. Looking back, I couldn't have gone through this summer w/o my amazing friends who helped me through everything. You guys know who you are. Thanks for teaching me, giving me that support when i need it, laughing with me, crying with me, being there when i call : )

Truly blessed

recap

so i woke up at 8:30 this morning because I had to go pee haha turns out i couldn't get back to sleep because of my stuffy nose So i watched a little TV and then decided to eat breakfast and here i am...so let's recap on what happened since tuesday shall we?

Tuesday
nothing happened...stayed at home all day then we had coffeehouse meeting which i think turned out pretty good good feedback and advice for next year

Wednesday
Once again...stayed at home all day, except it felt kinda nice, just to be able to sit at home and relax...drew a little...played a little piano haha i actually felt kinda happy

Thursday
Me, Jane, Bev, & Nat decided to cancel on going to the mall and so I sat at home writing cards for the grads. Then at night, I went to cabby cell group, which was amazing. Having concert of prayer and being able to ask God to bring me back into His arms, to hold me and never let me go. And it just felt like...He was telling me that everything was going to be okay and for the first time in a very long time, I opened up myself to be vulnerable and yet I felt so safe. And there was a time at which we went to a counsellor and they were to pray for us. So I went to JW. And I was just telling him how lost I felt, how in a way I wasn't willing enough. And I asked for two things, passion and humility. And he prayed for me, and then i started crying! I think I finally realized how lost I was, realizing how far I've strained from God....and how much I really need Him that was really amazing. Then we had to plan September's programs wow....I never knew it was that hard...but yea, it was a good night

Friday
Friday was such an awesome day. As usual, my mother woke me up early because I have to get used to waking up early for school but yes, so I spent all morning finishing up cards for the grads. Man there were so many cards to write! haha seriously when I had like...5 left i didn't feel like writing anymore But I did finish eventually. Then I went over to go pick Darren up to go eat lunch. Dude that was fun haha times of me, mel & darren is always fun so we ate at Galleria at Commerce and that was fun haha sitting there for like...30mins trying to figure out what to eat and looking at all the menu spelling errors like...coin chicken lolz...and looking at the menu and thinking that hot dog and ham was a hot dog with a piece of ham haha what a sad lunch ahha darren thinks sad and then so when we finally ordered it was just fun chilling and all haha. After lunch, we wandered aimlessly for quite a while until we decided to go to the park..lolz so walking like...halfway almost to karen's house. and so we found a shovel and it was just soo much fun :) haha I guess a time to chill w. the two of them not gonna happen that often after a while. Then I went home, finished up cards, showered, ate, then went to fellowship. Grad night was sad :( I cried again this year! AGAIN! I honestly didn't think that I would cry and i did! mann that encouragement line just always ends up making me cry. I'm gonna miss people soo much :( man next week is a new year. A year to start off fresh and meet new niners and a new set of old gr 12s. :P Good luck to all those going into university :) and remember to come visit us!

wonderlanddddd :)

okay..so today i went to wonderland with eric, jane, natalie, candy, david, and arnold :) haha so much funn :) haha so nat came at like...8:15 this morning...helping me pick out my top for the day. Then she started playing with my monkey..and before we know it, jane came haha. and eric ended up picking us up at like...9:10...wow haha he was early..haha wut a liar..then he goes and takes a dump in my house! which smells like...aww man..apparently HORRIBLE haha according 2 my brother...=P haha so off we went to wonderland with our slow song CD =P haha man..loving eric's slow song CD :P haha so yea...with our three dollar coupon, we got an awesome parking spot and went in....mann the line to the security thing..we were talkin bout the WEIRDEST things..haha like..being pregnant and like...pecs...mannn soo weird...hahha and me and eric went to sledgehammer...haha i hit my head soo many times! cuz they were like..expected yet unexpected..haa cuz i was talking 2 eric too much ahhahhaa soo retarded..haha i hit my head soo many times! but yea...then we lined up for italian job and candee & david came and joined us :) haha so joaxx singing songs while waiting for the italian job ahha that ride is..fun...haha such an unexpected beginning haha but so fun :) haha then...nat & jane went to the fly and the rest of us went to the batt...haha then came..splashworks! woot woot! haha soo funn :) haha mannnn $5 for a locker is soo freaking expensive..haha but yes...we got one...fit all our valuable stuff there..and threw our bags on the grass somewhere in a pile..and went to go play :) haha mann..all the rides were soo fun..like..black hole and super soaker and lazy riverrrrr haha eric wouldn't let me and nat go! haha kept grabbing onto us!. and i got under the waterfall! all nat's fault haha but i guess we're even ;) but yea...and then we went out for lunch at like...3 ..mann soo hungry haha salad & baked potato at wendy's..darrnnn eric eats soo much! ahha oh so very much...lol...xactly $8. haha our parking receipt was like..burnt haha and the guy at the entrance gave us a new one..lolz.....mann crazy how hot the sun is. but yea...then we went on wild beast and dragon fire and is that it? wow that's so little rides! but we were soo tired from walking :( haha oh! we visited dexter at DQ :) haha thx for the discount dex haha but yea...he looks so serious when he's working..haha it's so funny :P haha but yes...basically we stayed there till like..6:30....ohhh we saw lianne twice and we saw..alton, edwin, kenny, trish, & heyman...haha wow hafnt seen them all summer..butyea..haha gonan see them all in a week again...haha mann school's starting..that's scary..and sad..
but yes
that was my day :P haha soo much fun! haha nat's fav ride today: the toilet HAHAHA kk..that's all for now...toodles~

slowly healing...
getting back to reality...


the three most important and hardest words to say:
I
am
sorry.

Koinonia cabby camp :)

wow...came back from camp yesterday..I would have blogged yesterday..but im lazy haha so this camp was just..simply amazing..spending time with the new cabby of 2005-2006 :) So I'm gonna list the highlights..or what i remember..of each day...haha to lazy to put everything in sentences

The car ride there:
- eric & I singing songs from backstreet boys to n'sync to all these slow songs he had...haha
- mel discovering the song "I believe I can fly" and singing it over and over again :P
- mel destroying eric's ipod haha reversing cover and taking it off...and she actually put it on herself..good job mel! haha

Monday (got there at camp)
- set up the tent...cleaned it and stuff...accidently made a stain of deet on jon's tent :P whoopsies
- haha me and liann found mich w/ a knife and begged for mercy =P haha so joax in the tent. haha had fun w/ liann and mich :) haha
- michael and eric decided to cook bananas...haha result: tasted the same..cept squish-ier
- silas and I tried scaring PJ...he ended up scaring us haha and silas like..jumped
- talking to mel in my tent :) haha soo joax haha ninja turtle memoriez
- roasted marshmellows :) so yummyyyy haha mike makes awesome marshmellows
- played the murder game :P haha so much fun
- going to the beach and finding a tree that looked like people with mike, clar & eric...woww soo freaking scaryy

Tuesday
- going to the beach early in the morning and just..stood there....felt nice
- doing devos at the beach and silas kinda kept me company
- finding rocks w/ eric and issy...because "they are free" lolz
- haha PJ, clar, & edwin throwing eric into the water because he threw sand down somebody's top...horrible kid! haha
- hehe me and mel burying our feet in the sand haha and mel kept destroying it! haha and my talking toe =P haha
- singing camp songs w/ Michael, Eric, Isabella, Mel haha soo joax
- mike and eric's fist of fury killing ladybugs..soo gross
- silas hitting me w/ a frisbee..TWICE on the head...:( lost tonza brain cells there
- taking awesome pix :)
- clarence, gilbert, & ivan building their fort troy...haha and having a "mud" fight w/ clarence..haha dirtied my pants! XP
- me and mel's handprints on the sand :) leaving our mark haha
- talking with mel at night and staying outside with the stars till 3 (couldn't stay all night..i was soo cold...i was like..getting seizures)

Wednesday
- hearing lai tao all morning....mann and gilford asking questions all morning haha (do you hate me?)
- sharing from Silas & PJ and finding the rocks on the beach :) soo pretty
- clarence finding a rock that looks like a butt XP
- sitting at the beach one last time before leaving
- talking to issy and eric in the car...
- sleeping on the way home and eating a bite of rolo mcflurry =P

haha this camp was just..so amazing...i don't remember the last tiem i relaxed liek this....i'll have pix up soon..or i do..but im waiting for eric's pix...the pix that I took with his camera :P haha

I can't take this anymore

I feel so...lost...so confused...so trapped...I feel like I'm dying inside. If only this big chunk of sadness would come out of my head, then I would be a happpy gurl again. Not gonna happen...sometimes...I wonder if i even knew what i was doing in the first place. Why did I go into it? Did i even know what I was doing? *sigh...I don't know...too many questions that I cant seem to answer and it scares the heck outta me. Yet I can't help but think this is my fault. That maybe...perhaps if i cared a little more, then maybe this wouldn't happen. Maybe then we wouldn't be so distant....there wouldn't be as many barriers between the two of us. i don't know...where does it lead the two of us now? I can't help but feel awkward when I talk to you....can't help but feel sad or depressed...*sigh...i guess it takes time. the question is..how long? How long does it take before I can figure out what I want...what God wants? How long is it going to take for me to heal my wounds? How long is it gonna take for me to feel true joy again? to be able to laugh and not feel bad? just...how long....

COFFEEHOUSE = AMAZING

wow...coffeehouse is over...haha it's OVER! and it was AWESOME! 100% awesomenesss :) seriously...we've worked our butts off for this night and every little bit of it was worth it! I mean...the whole room was just SOO filled with the Holy Spirit and with the amazing presence of God. This day altogether has just been amazing...period end of story. Let's start from the beginning shall we?

Okay so I got to church at 11 this morning to do worship and we waited for like 1 hr for Dexter...then worship surprisingly ended quite early....it was like...1:00 when we ended. So we went out and walked to Tim Hortons and ate and i yelled at Darren a little because he bought an ice-cap. Soo joax at Tim Hortons. haha We made Michael buy a timbit...ONE timbit haha and it was 16 cent. haha soo joax..and Darren came up with the idea of next time, buying one timbit and cutting it into 6 haha soo joax. AND we found out Tim Hortons sells Jam and Peanut Butter Packets...2 for 25 cents LMAO! haha PB & J Sandwich =P haha Darren actually wanted me to go up and order two jam packets and ask for a spoon haha....we gotta try that sometime...but it was just soo funn chilling with the whole worship team =) awesome bonding hahaha and then we went back...and me, mel & darren went to go move tables..until we got tired and just sat there chilling for like..1hr....haha talking and laughing..and me and mel just being stoopid haha and we realized soo many things in the children's sunday school classroom...
a) whales don't fly (yes melody :P)
b) we found jason fok's arts and crafts or smoething on the wall =P
c) and i discovered there was a tree
d) and mel found a flower that loooked like her =P haha
just plain stopid things...and soo joax...it was just so cool chilling with them..and talking about stuff =) haha and darren hates children shows.
Then my mommy told me 2 go home :( ruined my fun haha but yea..went home, freshened up...washing my face and all..and i prayed....and i just realized how far God brought us through coffeehouse. it was AMAZING.

So i went back to church and I found mel and darren..and it was soo joax once again..seriously I lost my voice because I was laughing w/. the both of them all day long :P seriously. And I was creative and saw mel's RUINED (ahem darren) strawberry as a brown ninja turtle (and no im not racist ahha) but yea =) it was interesting haha mel's picture =P hahaha and then darren hid from coffeehouse =P but then i pulled him out so that he can suffer with me hahaha =P and finally..coffeehouse arrived after praying and going out w/ Jon to get food, it finally came..and i was FREAKING OUT...ppl were telling me to calm down but i was just FREAKING OUT...i wasl ike....ahhh and going crazy...but u know what? God worked...seriously! Jessie's message was just purely amazing =) Andrew's testimony was amazing =) God provides, and God works...
anyways..it's 12 like..30 im tired...i wanna sleep..i'll update more 2morrow =) toodles

wow...

wow....coffeehouse is in two days. this is..overwhelming, yet exciting, yet...scary? haha I don't know...just a whole bunch of emotions. But I guess...this anticipation as to how coffeehouse is going to turn out is kinda scary. For the past few days, I've been in the freaking out mode. Seriously I think I joined the "seriously freaking out about coffeehouse club" along..w/ like..mel & stuff...and it was just all so overwhelming and i was just soo worried. And then today....or just now...i read my friend's blog...and he was saying how even though coffeehouse has a lot of technical stuff to figure out...God's using us to bring His people back to Him. And I was just...like..wow...because I dont' know...I lost sight of that...a week ago I was the one telling people that it's gonna work out alright..and I lost sight of that reassurance that God is using us for His glory...and He will work according to His perfect plan.