simply me.

Friday, July 07, 2006

after fellowship

okay so im still angry...(If you don't know why, you need to read the post before)

and it's now at the fact that i cant go. Yea it sucks. it sucks to constantly let people down and it sucks to constantly be let down. *sigh

i don't know...my parents actually sat down and talked to me about my schedule & stuffs after fellowship. it was a pain. I looked at my calendar...and iuno.

I really wanted to go. I was looking forward to it all week. and now...

*sigh maybe it's God's will.

I don't know...either way i have to accept it right? Sorry guys. I know im a failure lolz as darren tsang puts it.

SO instead of my weekend being mainly softball and waterloo

it is NOW: softball, homework, family gathering

i'd prefer the first one....but *sigh. agnes is tired now...

tired from school...tired from sleeping @ 12...tired from crying.

let's hope tomorrow softball will cheer me up

talking to mel, jon, grace and andy did a little good :) thanks guys <3

edit** haha copying sharon now...know what im also upset about? the fact that my dad tells me it's not a big deal and i can go another time..Here's my question....why should i think he's going to let me go next time if he wont let me go this time? He said i can go when i can drive...yea what makes me think he'll let me drive all the way to loo? At this rate...i'll never be able to go visit the loo-erssss

Before Fellowship

RANT
it's going to be angry. so if you wanted to read something happy and jolly, totally not the place to be
ughhh i hate this..

you would THINK that maybe...just MAYBE your parents would trust you on making decisions on your own..but noooooo they want to prioritize ur life for you

they want to just control your life because they want you to be "successful" they want you to "get the best things in life"

what the HECK does that mean? since when you are to tell me what's right for me and what's best for me? Since when did you know?

Since when did you ever EVER ask my opinion on things i want to do. ughhhhh

im sooo angryy. crap man.

They honestly need to learn that they dont have control over my life. I can't wait till i have a car and have my own independance.

As much as they care, sometimes i just wish they'd trust me for once. They say....oh you're cramming yourself too much....u're not spending time with the family enough...you're not trying in school enough...you're not concentrating enough...you're not getting a high enough average....you're spending enough time doing school stuff...

What is enough? It seems that no matter what i do, it's never enough. They never look back at what i've done when i did good things, no they look back at what i've done that was horrible, that was bad. It's like...as long as you spend one weekend without them, it's not enough. *sigh

it's my life....i have priorities too....im a teenager....why won't you just let me think like one and be like one? Why are you trying to make me grow up so much? I know i'm getting old and i need to grow up...but why are you always trying to ruin the things i really want to do?

aweijdlsahglaibuiadlsrjwaledghlhfd
*sigh now what?

Monday, July 03, 2006

summmerrrrrr : )

yay so it's been like....1 week of summer. haha and i've

- went to wonderland with my favourites
- went to see Superman Returns
- went out 2 timmies
- went to grad
- had relatives come over
- played softball : )
- painted anita's housee : )

yayy and tonz more to dooo : ) je suis loving it

kitty im probably coming to visit next sunday! : )

Sunday, June 25, 2006

call to action.

okay so today was a pretty good day

church and painting and nat's house and dinner with my grandparents

I'm slowly beginning to see that people matter a lot to me. I mean yea I knew that before...but it hits you when you realize...some things. So my grandparents came back to Canada, after being gone for like..two years. and I haven't seen them for a really long time. And you know...as people get old, they get sicker and stuff, and i've been worried and stuff but i was really excited to see them. My grandma looked the same and everything...and what hit me was my grandpa. He came in...on a wheelchair, which i knew he would, but i guess it never really hit me. He was so much skinnier, he looked so small. Two years ago, he was walking with a walking stick and it was okay. I mean he still got spunk. But when i saw him today...he looked so sad, so hopeless, so lifeless...so weak. And it made me want to cry. And even when i saw him smile a little bit, just to see his daughters, his grandchildren, it made him look so frail...so fragile. And i guess im still wanting to cry as i type this....I mean i guess i never really knew my grandparents mattered that much to me until now. And for the entire dinner...i felt so...i don't know...sad. Age is getting to him, and im slowly realizing that moments need to be treasured. I'm slowly realizing that it all matters to him, that everyday matters.

And a thought that even made me sadder was that...while so sick, so incapable of doing so many things, He doesn't know God. It kills to think that he's going by everyday, not knowing that something better might be in store for him, not knowing that there's someone who loves Him so much and is going to make everything okay. Totally strike me how important sharing God's word is. So ...action time.

neverending prayer and action.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

summer here i come

Yes yes yes!

I am officially

DONE

hehe yayyy summer here i come! haha

that means i can...

-visit kitty and darren sometime @ waterloo
-play softball
-go to wonderland
-bbqsss : )
-go out after fellowship
-go SHOPPING
-eat and ddr and slack off at home

: ) oh what a wonderful time hahaha : P

P.S. Kitty, don't worry! I'll come...but i have to wait till everybody else finishes...so that university children can drive me : P

Thursday, June 22, 2006

almost done almost done! : )

yayyy i survived..last week...

im surviving this week : )

it's almost coming to an end...one more days. and then i'll be DONE

religion exam yesterday was SOO easy :) I felt so happy afterwards haha
but math..*sigh we'll see it was okay la~ i don't like exams that were okay la~

then i can paint after exams!:) i have to paint tiles for teachers that are leaving...im excited...haven't painted for a while..like ACTUALLY paint. haha nice to get my creativity flowing again.

Praise the Lord from bringing me through this week and even giving me time to do devos : ) oh He is so cool : )

Things to look forward to:
-softball (finally : P)
-worship night thingy : )
- grandparents coming
- painting
- wonderland w/ my girlprends :)
- graduation (singing) haha the deserts :P

: ) : ) yayyyy mad fun totally excited

Sunday, June 18, 2006

exams on wed, thurs, fri.

comm tech cpt due tuesday...not done

which means didnt start studying

oh so screwed

but i'm not gonna go and totally rely on myself anymore. Done that for the past like..month and it SUCKS. Giving it all up to Him. my worries, my stress, my joys, my confusion, my accomplishments...are all His.

thanks guys for helping me through : ) and just checking up on me. you know who you are <3

one more week...then it's OVER :D

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

*sigh im like slowly disintergrating...

not like..burning or anything

just tired..exhausted..fed up..drained

and i'm so far from God...it's so hard these days for me to figure out the right thing to do...the thing God wants me to do.

It's so hard to keep devos consistant and have my heart at it when i do it

it's so hard to pray sincerely without having other things on my mind or without being too tired

*sigh nobody said it was going to be easy

but i jus wish i wasnt so weak

Sunday, June 11, 2006

untitled.

so i dragonboated today. haha wow we did so bad. but w/e our first year. haha fun times with my team china : P haha go boys and the catwalk and that awesome game of pig :P haha good stuff. so today was alright..but inside....it feel...incredibly sad..iuno why. it's weird. yea i mean today was good..laughs and what not...but i feel...ridiculously empty. *sigh God what's wrong with me.

And iuno bible study on Friday....*haii iuno. it felt so weird...and i was so tired. sorry ivan.

ughhh soo dun wanna work

sooo tired

*sigh...imma pull through..it's almost over

Saturday, June 03, 2006

getting back up on my feet

so the hecticness is FINALLY over (for now) I went through this week..and yes staying till like 2:30 doing an essay is DEFINATELY not fun. okay now...time to get back on track with God. As much as school is important, i gotta keep my eyes fix on God. Easier said than done.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." - Romans 5:3-5

I'm currently loving this verse. I don't know...I guess mainly because, as hard as it is to do, to rejoice in our sufferings, i want to learn how to. and as i do that...the end result is so promising. hope that does not disappoint. the only thing that is unchanging. His love.

So yesterday, it was St. Augustine's feast day (not birthday, my bad) and so we had mass. For those of you who don't know, I go to a catholic school. And the priest was teaching about that passage where Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. And the priest asked us this, "If Jesus was to ask you right now...what would your response be?"
As ashamed I feel saying this, I've lost track as to where i am with God. I feel like...I haven't really gone anywhere, nor have I tried to. The priest also mentioned that love is a word that means nothing until action is taken. If I haven't taken action lately, could I really say that I love God? So my goal from now on, put my love in action. it hurts to know that i haven't done that. But it takes so much more than just feeling ashamed, it takes change.

last night fellowship was really good, i liked it a lot. Just time to pray, to reflect. i especially liked the last part. that was so cool. : ) thanks candee, anita, & donna for planning it. you guys did an awesome job.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

through it all

okay so im in comm tech...and i just finished my bio test. It was okay i guess..i don't know....im scared : ( i need these grades man. needa pull it up to like...a 95 before exams cuz i know im going to drop after exams.

okay i've gone through half of the week and...survived.

I survived...i'm so surprised. so you know that long list of stuff i had to do...well here's what's left.

Math Test next period
Religion ISP essay due friday
Pig dissection package due friday
Comm tech careers package due tomorrow

i believe that is it...

i've gone through half of my stuff

how amazing is that : )

Praise the Lord for He is faithful and carries us through

a few more days to go...then iuno..nothing for next week so far....i REALLY hope there's no homework this weekend....that's not going to happen. haha

okay posting HOPE pictures tomorrow..just for u trisiaaaaaa : P <3

Saturday, May 27, 2006

sunshine makes me happy : )

so eggie survived her saturday through the grace of her amazing Father. eggie woke up at 8 in the morning and watch family shows and did homework. Then she went out and played softball : ) which was fun haha man i hafn't played in a while. and during practice, i sadly had to break it to pretty barry that...he wasn't very pretty. BUT i did love your flower : ) and andy told me to practice softball in my head for the past few weekends :P because i'm not allowed to go to softball until exams are over : ( which is june 23.

Then agnes went to car wash : ) which was awesome. a huge success and i had tonz of fun.

but agnes came home with a sunburn..that doesnt hurt =/ lolz. so yes

and agnes finished her website and all the writeup for bio cpt : )

agnes feels like a champ

actually no..God is a champ for carrying me through : )

and it's so hot...totally the weather to wear skirts : ) yayy skirt and sandals season! im excited haha

OH and i watched my first episode of captain planet today! AHHA it's so old school

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

eggie is...
tired
hungry
confused
overthinking
unmotivated
being made fun of : (
looking forward to summer
excited for school to end
excited for softball this saturday
learning that God gives and takes away and that He NEVER leaves
doing well in school : )
loving the sun (finally) this week

so the good overweighs the bad : )

and that my friends is what keeps me going

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

victoria weekend

so yesterday was the last day of victoria weekend. I've waited for this weekend for AGES. haha well like...two weeks ever since the end of my PA day at the beginning of may. SO yea : ) it was fun. I am satisified. Got some work done, got to chill with peeeps :) it felt nice. So recap time!

Friday
Cell group night :) it was fun, chilling with Melody Ng :) and flying in the mall hahahhaa i love little kids hhaa so joax mel while everybody was running around fillin out the scavenger hunt It turned out alright : ) i hope people bonded and i think pat and bev had fun : ) haha yayyersss. AHAH soo joax with bev after haha "maybe if we peek into the kitchen enuf times, they'll give us food" hahaha soo high omgsh! haha and yes i am beverly's mother : ) hehe and bev being a pig stole waffles from eric's group haha soo joax Friday was fun : )

Saturday
guitar lessons with JW at 11:00 : ) im getting betterrrr i can tell haha i feel happy : ) haha but bar cords : ( i cant do bar cords..oh well more practicing. haha my fingers have blisters haha so not fun haha it's okayyy it's worth it. Then i went home ate lunch..then DA VINCI CODE! haha omgsh we shouldn't have watched with like...three girls hahahhaa soo freaky! haha me and jane SCREAMED! haha that movie was quite disturbing. but it was fascinating too..kinda weird....and stuffs so yea. haha it was pretty good though. I gotta go reread the book becuase i forgot most of the stuff lolz

Sunday
Went to church, silas ditched us for sunday school haha took pictures with mike and issyy haha then after sunday school, talked with my friendsss haha and darren took a picture of his mouth on my fone..so now my background is...darren's mouth. haha and the more i look at it, the more it looks like his mouth haha darn you darren tsang haha and when i first look at it i thought they were lights. lolz then...at night..JFOK's SURPRISE BIRTHDAY THING : ) haha that was fun haha soo joax haha we shouldn't have put the streamers there though. haha but it was fun : ) i had fun haha i won one game of super smash bros against cy, eric & jon. hahaa yayyy :) im a champ haha one game was all i needed. haha made me feel happy haha and there was soo much foodd omgshhh soo good thank you auntie irene! haha so much meat...and veggies and fruits : ) haha i hadn't eaten that much in a very very long time haha it was good though. haha then had jason's cake : ) hehe it was good :) i like mango moose. then tim laughed @ me for thinking wedges and wedgies were the same thing : ( haha and yea : ) it was fun in general. i played gtar a little bit after watching family guy haha i had fun : ) hehe

so yes that is my weekend time to go finish studying the circulatory system. yay exciting

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

muckiness

so today started out okay. I mean sure i was tired, but the sun was out haha for once this week...honestly the weather's been bleh all week. then things didn't go so well..

i got my math test back...88%..yea yea i know 88 is good...but considering i was getting like..97, it's going to totally drop my mark : ( made me kind of upset...but then i got over it. And i was so tired....during choir i was hungry AND tired so DOUBLE WHAMMY and my tummy hurt : ( oh it wasn't fun. But i have my girls nat & jane 2 cheer me up lolz i love my bear daughter and my cat.
....so those things...no big deal, i get over them. *sigh then during dinnertime, that's when this day went bad. near the end of dinner, my mommy told me that her hand was starting to get numb. Apparently, her muscle near her shoulder is always tense and it's been like that for a few years. And now it's getting so tense to the point where her hands are starting to feel numb..like all the time...and that's kind of scary...and she was just talking about how she works so much and what not that she's always tense and like...stressed and what not.

So after dinner, as i sit there, doing my math homework, i figured, i could always go and do the dishes and what not. So i go and tell her that i could do the dishes tonight and she said, "One day of dishes isn't going to help. If you did it everyday, maybe it will" . ouch. that hurt. I mean i was only trying to help. But i guess she was really upset so she told me to go back and do my work. And then my dad came home from bringing my brother to scouts...*sigh...then they fought. And it hurts...actually it SUCKS seeing my mom like this, seeing her feel so misunderstood and just so...weary and not knowing how to fix it. and it's hard because my mom is the kind of person that always thinks about others before herself. No matter how stressed and tired she is, she'll still be doing the things she does. so it hurts even more to know that she's in this condition because of doing stuff for my family. so now what?

well i went up and prayed and cried and it's amazing how God is constantly there to listen. so now what?

I dont know...i guess i'll pray some more.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

why stress?

stress...

it kills people doesn't it.

people seemed to be amazed at the times where i just...stay calm when i have billion things to do.

I think I've come...to a realization that I'm not doing everything for myself anymore. I mean yea my future depends on my marks...but im getting good grades for God. I mean He doesn't need them. But i'm doing it for Him, knowing that He gave me an opportunity to even go to school as much as it is a drag sometimes. When it's no longer about me...no longer about...what's going to happen to me and all about how this is going to praise Him, I automaticaly do my best knowing that that's what He deserves.

So breathe...take a moment away from all that work, all those projects, problems

and pray. and put it all in His hands

because I mean stressing is just what Satan wants us to do. Not trust in God. Not have faith in Him that we'll be carried through it. Don't fall into that trap. I know i've fell into too many times. It's like these holes you keep falling into. You gotta learn to walk AROUND them.

breathe. pray. and smile : )

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. - Proverbs 3:5

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Father's embrace

okay so edit. haha just like how sharon does with her posts :P lol Yesterday was a horrible day...and i mean it was horrible for many reasons:
a) none of my teachers were here and my tests and stuffs got moved which totally ruins schedule

b) i broke three guitar strings while TUNING people usually break their's playing..i broke mine tuning :( so sad

c) i no longer had motivation to do anything in life...starting to fall apart

d) and finally...im just tired...so tired

and i couldn't take it anymore. I mean...meetings after meetings...people after people coming to me asking for help. And how can i say no? love others right? But...there comes to a point...where you do it out of...just doing it...the purpose is lost...it becomes meaningless...And last night...i found out just how depressing and dangerous that could be.

Last night, I no longer had the motivation to do anything. I felt like...i was just going through this day, wishing it would end. And i have friends who say, "What's wrong?" or "Is there anything I can do?" ..Truth..there wasn't anything anyone could do...because the only thing I needed...was God. and then people at school go, "omgsh agnes is so spiritual" It has nothing to do with being spiritual. It has everything to do with focus, the thirst of wanting to be found, to be embraced, to talk to someone who is CONSTANTLY there and knows EXACTLY what is going on.

GOD

And how amazing He truly is. As i said, i couldn't do any work and so i decided to go upstairs at 10 because I knew unless I fixed things up with God, nothing else will be fixed. It's kinda weird...it's like...when I fall away from Him, everything crumbles. I mean at first, it seems okay, then slowly, things start to just..die. And so i sat in my room last night...crying...praying...well crying while praying. And for the first time in a VERY LONG time..i prayed...a genuine prayer, pleading for His strength, confessing that I'm so weak and so confused and just SO tired. And people are like..oh crying solves nothing....but crying to God...solves everything. and i mean EVERYTHING. After a good half an hour of tearful prayer, I felt better. Not just like..oh better for a day...but not alone, embraced by my awesome and faithful Father. And that was it. All it took for me to come back again, all it took for me to feel content, happy. It's funny...reminded of that Rob Bell video this morning...about how when we mourn, that's when God can hold us the closest.

And last night, I felt the embrace of my Father : )

Monday, May 08, 2006

ughh today is SOo not a good day..i SO dont feel like doing ANYTHING this week : ( i just want to crawl in my bed and hide under the covers :(

Saturday, May 06, 2006

abc...it's easy as 123

okay so update from my last post...i wrote my mom a note that morning..and everything turned out okay! :) so yessss

anywhoosss PA day yesterday :) haha nat and jane came over and we ddr-ed haha soo joax and we watched a lil of high school musical haha it was fun haha soo joax jane looks like she wants to fly when she ddrs haaha then bible study...went alright i guess...just needing a lito more concentration. but thanks Ivan for leading most of it! :)

This morning..i had guitar lessons with JW : ) haha yayy and i have a guitar too! thanks liann and anita! : ) and JW's story was soo cool!!!! :) PTL

so i drove to insurance class today which was all the way in scarbrough and i survived! i drove back too! it wasnt THAT bad i guess..but now im tired. and i cant go bbq @ JC's house again this week because..well agnes has a religion test monday then a math and bio test tuesday : (
oh so sad

cabby meeting tomorrow :) k back 2 nerdinggg

Thursday, May 04, 2006

: (

*sigh...so much on my mind...it's not always easy dealing with your parents

so what happened was...two nights ago...i had a lot of bio homework and i was very fustrated..so my mom came in and asked if i wanted help. So willingly i said yes. When she was doing it, i was getting just...angry because I just didn't care anymore. My homework was SOO stupid! my teacher PURPOSELY whited out words for us to fill in....like..WHAT?!??!!? so retarded...so i got really pissed off...and i kind of ended up giving my mom attitude. Then she got angry and she was like...just because you're angry at your teacher doesnt mean you have to show it to me. And she got really angry...and it was like..11:30 at night. So the next day..she decided....to not talk to me so i haven't talk to my mom for 24 hours :( And she wont until i say sorry and i dont know how to because im scared because she's so angry. *sigh and then i'm giong to end up crying again...gosh..couldnt work last night because of it all in my mind.

*sigh i hope everything goes better today

Sunday, April 30, 2006

weekend fun

okay so my weekend went well : )

Friday Night
my poor "daughter" got a fever so she couldn't come to fellowship. Worship practice went alright : ) it was cool having so many people lolz. wow...then i had overhead problems until betty came and saved my life :P haha then we watched two episodes of Joan of Arcadia. Man im hooked! whoever is done with their DVD i want it NEXT! haha and we had healthy snacks haha like eric said "all of us will have no problem pooing tonight" LMAO! haha i love carrots and celery sticks with dip! :D

Saturday
I drove my daddy to work and we drove to Markville and the Dollar Store at Warden :) haha i'm still bad at driving :( i need to improve! haha i will prove eric and david wrong :P went to bbq at Jon's house at like...5 he wasn't even home yet! ahha so we ended up starting bbq at like...6 :) darren, jason, david, eric, cheryl, kenneth, and kitty were there :) mad fun :) haha soo joax with darren's picture haha a little too happy touching jason's waist there hahaha and aww i miss cheryl :( leaving to go to missions. Hope you have fun girl! the sausages were yummy! :) and the burgerss even though there was no ketchup lol it was good! :) haha had tonz of fun. It was just a good time to just relax and forget about school for like...2-3 hours. :) and it felt like summer haha yayy the beginning of our bbq season :)

Sunday
went to church. I loved the Rob Bell video today :) God's message of love. and something that Uncle Simon said during Sunday School stuck to me. He said, "Sometimes we don't evangelize because we're scared and we only not evangelize for two reasons a) we don't love God enough or b) we don't love the person enough. Sometimes we dare to not love."
it's such a weird way of looking at it. And today's message just totally reminds me of that whole outloving post i read on Tim Woo's blog a while ago :) imma outlove you all <3>

yay PA day friday! :) nat you're SOO coming over to "run" with me HAHA

Friday, April 28, 2006

i just came back from fellowship..standing outside for like..30minutes waiting for the boys to figure out where to go..it's cold tonight lol. But yea..it was okay...watching joan of arcadia : ) i like that showw i want to watch nowww lolz just totally reminds me that God uses ordinary people and in today's worship set...

"You use the weak to lead the strong" - Your Grace is Enough

:) total awesomeness. anywhooss nothing really happened today...i think... not that i remember anyways lolz. i drove today! :) haha to church ahha it was fun :P but yes. i have a lot of homework this weekend too :( but it's okay! i shall finish it haha

yay bbq 2morrow.i wish i can go to the zoo with them : ( but i got work to do..so yes. time to go 2 bed..i'm crazy tired lately...don't know why...=/

Monday, April 24, 2006

assurance

so i did my bio and math test today. I don't think i did too well : (. So i got sad. I got upset and fustrated and today just didn't seem like a cool day. Then a thought came to me in comm tech class. I was so happy last night listening to made to worship by Chris Tomlin (amazing song btw) and now because of two tests...two marks...I get upset? For a split second i totally loose focus on God, forgetting for one moment that He had everything in control. After that...a rush of assurance came over me. yea...i'm upset...i mean i could've done better right? and i'm just really tired, but God's got in all in control. He gives and takes away, but His will is perfect and pleasing.

And i read candy's blog just now...about being a servant. once again being reminded that marks and worldly things do not matter when it comes to serving God, and really that's all that should matter no?

Love God, Love people, nothing else matters.

when you do that...things just seem to flow into place. So I'm worshipping God no matter what. And I am not gonna doubt Him because He knows what's best for me.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

worship night :)

Praise the Lord for He is good :) Last night at fellowship was just COMPLETELY amazing. It's been a really...REALLY long time since i've seen the entire fellowship worship God with their hearts :) true worship right there! Last night was just amazingggg :) mann i can't even explain my continuing awe after last night. God really works, and last night was a total challenge for me to just put it all in God's hands. At the end, everyone was like...oh good job on worship night. ahha I'm thinking...why thank us? God did it all. I mean cummon..our songs...totally spontaneous order =) and just what i said and what i prayed about...just all came out...and just seeing so many people touched, not afraid to praise with their hands lifted high, I am totally amazed. And when we prayed as a group, when we sang spontaneously..THAT's true fellowship :) I haven't felt the Spirit work SOO evidently in a while :) like fo'real man that was the night :) I loved it. And haha as mel and jw knew, i was stressing like mad before it....haha not being able to find sheet music and what not....but God led it...God told me and showed me that everything turned out okay..I just had to trust in Him :) Praise the Lord. now THAT's true worship.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
All about You, Jesus

the fellowship accomplished that last night

and all fear was swept away

the fears of not singing good enough

the fears of what others thought about what we did

the fears of speaking out

all gone

barriers were broken
hands were lifted

all towards the same loving, amazing God

now THAT's unity :)

Friday, April 21, 2006

sunshine :)

so everything's good now :) I am happy :) we're all happy :) yayy haha

i've been tired...and sick :( but that's okay..im getting better! haha and so jokes eating lunch with nat and edwin outside AHHA nat stories haha and pieces of the wall at school LMAO! ahha i love you guys. haha

AND...my daddy is home! :) yayyy haha i feel happy =) so it's been good...because God is good =)

so...tomorrow is ...worship night...im scared..excited..worried..happy...
kinda glad for a time to just..reflect even though i'm leading :) it's gonna be awesome because it's gonna be God-led =)

totally lovin' the sunshine

God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
I don't care what the world throws at me now
I'm gonna be alright

'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know his word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here
-Hillsongs United

true dat yo'

so assured that God has everything in control :)

Monday, April 17, 2006

untitled

haha okay so i learned something new....

silas ng doesnt go to ryerson HAHA where does he go?

haha anywayss yeaaa easter dinner last night =) it was so awesome and the food was good! :) thanks anita! haha getting to talk to everybody for like...1 hr cuz eric, candee & kitty never came..haha PRESTUDY at 7 not DINNER at 7 haha gosh eric get it right! hahaha anywayyyss =) it was so much fun haha talking about our childhoods and what not hahha good times :) i love k-cab!

and then we shared and it was cool just a time to pray with ivan, mel, and grace and just listening to how the rest of the cell groups are doing =) and we found a youth pastor!!!! haha well he's coming to do prestudy on sunday :) excited to meet him..

and then..well the night didn't end so well i guess...with what happened and what not and me crying my eyes out so much that this morning i woke up with my eyes three times smaller. lolz but it's okay! because i have AMAZING friends =) i love you guys for just sitting there and listening when i was such a mess last night =) thanks mel, anita, eric & david =) yea boys officially suck haha and history is repeated..and mel laughs at me =(

then i got in trouble with my mom cuz i came home really late..but i talked to her about my problem and what not..and she listened...and i felt a little better

yea wasn't able to sleep that well last night..but it's okay i feel a lil better now...but now i gotta fix it....*sigh God i guess it's time right?

Friday, April 14, 2006

chapters =)

Today was such a cool day =) yes it was raining..i think and it was really cloudy, but it was still a good day =) so i drove this morning. I'm getting better! haha i like driving now :P haha did a lot of parking and turning and what not. =) i have to learn to let the wheel recover itself. lolz anywhoosss

met up with candyy at starbucks/chapters. haha candee: look the book is $3.99 and it's so thick! haha

we talked at starbucks for like...one and half hour until we saw mich and cheryl =) haha they went to go look at books and we talked a little more...im so full ><>< good =")" chiu =")">
me: where would mich and cheryl be?
candee: just find the place with the smartest books.

haha and we found them..at fiction and literature haha michelle knows like..all authors HONESTLY haha me and candee are just like..huh? haha and candee doesnt read and doesn't know books unless if they're from movies hahah right? haha manhunt and in her shoes haha then..MAGAZINES hahaha we are hopeless...apparently really bad according to cheryl and mich haha so joax dough =P and mich going angry over not being able to buy books is really scary hahaha she won't get themm from the library till she's 80 poor girl

then aww man my favourite part...the KIDS SECTION! yayyy haha Dr. Seuss and the science book LMAO! yayy story time with mich haha we all just sat there and read them..aha me and candee were sooo amused at the Dr. Seuss pop-up book HAHA we're like.."michelle! POP UP POP UP! OVER THERE *grabs and opens the page* haha OMGSH they move!" HAHHA cheryl i want those pictures! :) and i love the olivia book haha soo cuuuuuute and if you give a mouse a cookie :) haha my comment: why are mice so ma fan? haha

i love children's books ^^ good childhood memories. hehe we stayed there till 5. haha woww i had so much fun =P we should sit in the kids section reading books again girls :) aha honestly it's fun haha sitting in a circle together reading books to each other =P haha total and utter amusement =P

my favourite book :P

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

all better =)

wow God works miracles alright

i woke up this morning to find that my fever was gone :) woww a one day fever. Who honestly have one-day fevers. haha man i feel so much better today =D so much more alive! haha anywayyss yes yes haa so joax with trisia today "am i going to get pregnant?" LMAO! haha trish those are flower sperms HAHAHA soo joax hahaha and having lunch with jenn, gordon, nat, alton, monique & hollie aww man started talking about elementary school haha me having no friends..thanks for reminding me everytime hollie..and hollie being whitewashed HAHA so unbelievable haha

so yes i feel 10 billion times better today :) thanks to all those who cheered me up yesterday!

Monday, April 10, 2006

God's will vs my will

*sigh sunday school made me think yesterday. Yes we didn't really talk on topic...as usual :P but iuno it really hit me when we were talking about friends with benefits. And i mean..it's bad. and i don't know..got me thinking about emotions and feelings and people and stuff.

had a talk with silas

thanks :) lolz better than david forcing me to do stuffs :P

but yea really praying on it. thinking on it. I need time...

I need space

I want God's will because it's so much better than mine.

He knows what's best for me

He knows what i have to do

He knows when i'm ready

Saturday, April 08, 2006

vroommm

wow this week has been hectic..but it's okay! it's kinda over now :) i'm okay now :) God brought me through it! :D omgsh did the scariest thing today...

I DROVE

as in behind the wheel of a real car haha (no natalie not a fisherprice car)

so scaryyy :(

driving is scary..kinda fun.but scary haha especially the highway..yes the teacher is crazy..making me go on the highway *sigh..but it's okay! i survived! yayyy haha and i didn't kill anyonee :) yayy haha (see eric and david! i can drive! hahahaha)

that is my story for now...

Sunday, April 02, 2006

sunshine :)

rwar rwar rwarrr

wow today was such a nice day =) and i got to enjoy it too! Today's nooma was "Noise" the topic being silence and solitude. and you know what our cool sunday school class did? we went to the park! yayy i loved it! it was sooo nice outside..and i got to sit outside and not do anything for a good 20 minutes :) silence is amazing. like i just sat there...and i prayed and i listened. And I heard God in the gentliest of all whispers :) I love it when He speaks through silence. I love looking around and being in awe of all the things he created. I mean WOW. It's not like i've never been at the park before..i've been there a billion times. But...everytime i'm amazed because he made it all..ALL OF IT. not some of it...ALL OF IT. Wow....I love nature :)

our sunday school class is oh so very cool :)

Friday, March 31, 2006

judged

I have this huge urge to blog before i keep rethinking and bursting into tears.

I feel so empty right now...i felt so invisible tonight. It was kind of like walking into fellowship and even though people talk to you, i don't know..i had this lonely feeling....or maybe it was just me in a bad mood. but keeping that smile on works..until you just cant keep it up anymore. When you don't show sadness...just...no expressions.

Sometimes i feel like i've done so many things wrong to other people....like i always constantly mess up...saying the wrong things...doing the wrong things. and it's like..constantly being judged for it. iuno ..i got my bio test back today..highest mark in the class...and my teacher says it outloud too..and even before he said it..heard people saying...."Oh it's going to be Agnes again" and it hurts. I mean...you're not supposed to be ashamed of good marks right? but when people look at you like...they hate you and judge you because you're trying your best..like it hurts. It's not like i want to beat everybody. I just wanted to do good. *sigh I don't know...i wasnt feeling so great the rest of the day.

*sigh...i feel so alone right now. =(

Thursday, March 30, 2006

=) b-e-a-utiful

this week has been..really slow haha I don't know..but everyday felt like friday...but it's okay. This week's weather has been absolutely amazing =) 17 degree afternoons yayyyy haha loving the cool breeze with the sun on my back on my way home =) hehe so currently obsessing over the movie...high school musical haha aww mann soo cuuutee :P the cutest cheesy movie ever ahaha =P haha yes i am such a sap. Anywhoosss

I felt happy to find my test easy to me today. SO couldn't have done it without God. Honestly...I don't understand how i ever got to cram that info all in my brain. There's a lot of stuff to Judaism. but yea =) It's actually pretty interesting...considering I don't really know anything about other religions. but yea =) thanks Jon for helping me study last night haha you now know everything i know about judaism haha =P Praise the Lord for giving me such an awesome friend =)

Today was my first ever promotions meeting for our spring production...Draculaa =) oOooOO im sooo excited haha I got so hyped over it. ahha Man thinking about like decoration ideas and what not =) I get to paint a big poster =) like BEDSHEET size..tha'ts preetty huge hahaha im oh soo excited! and im helping out selling tickets...which means i get to wear costumes haha and paint more posters haha eeeeeeee^^ oh so excited. Anddd I'm helping out with the program =)

I think i'm going to tutor gr 10 science this semester. I feel like I'm joining so much stuff, but I want to =P i don't know...been praying about it....and i have the biggest urge to tutor =/ kinda weird. well God will pull me through my busy schedule =) just like He has pulled me through everything else.

Thanks to my girls for being there for me when i was feeling a lil bleh this week. I love you girlss =) you know who you are.

excited for tomorrow and this weekend because
a) planning worship night with mel tomorrow =D haha our stacked team
b) imma get my haircut =) more layered and shorter
c) not so much homework and with the lovely weather well...=) time to go out for a jog

haha the simple things of this weekend that makes me look forward to it...and maybe insurance class...yes it's boring..but i have natalieeee =) that's al that matters LMAO! and our cool drawings hahaha eric you would know about those =P

i want to watch She's the man! =) natalie..you have a date with me for that during easter

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

a story

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that everytime he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few week, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammer gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

cafe night =)

Praise the Lord!

God is truly amazing :) Last night was just absolutely amazing! Man we rocked! Honestly...I don't know how we pulled through it. One really bad practice + one practice w/o sound = an amazing worship? yea God is TRULY in that equation! He never ceases to amaze me and pull through :) You just gotta learn to trust.

Cafe night was awesome! :) awesome job drama, food, speaker, av :) drama was amazing :) it felt good jus watching instead of being part of it. amazing job guys!

Thanks darren for helping me out :) honestly w/o you i'd be soo screweddd. Thanks a billion!

God truly works :) just keep your eye on the prize and everything will b a-okay =)

*and janice, i want a copy of that video!

Friday, March 24, 2006

im so drained :( been trying to do so much this week and as darren said.."working in teh worst case scenarios" *sigh i hope worship works out tonight..all God's man :) float sale ends today..kinda relieved...hahaa but yea okay in comm tech...i should go :P haha im xcited for cafe nite tonight =)
im lifting it all up to Him...

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

aching thoughts

je suis back :)

i was back sunday at 3:30 :) man it feels good to be home :) cept my house was freaking freezing when i got back but it's okay now =)

a new start to a new week

a thought to ponder on...God's gift of salvation...so free..let so little take it. It's like somebody giving you a free car and you wont take it. Why? Because you're scared of what might happen? is it too good to be true? What have you got to loose? i look at the lives of so many of my friends at school, with their problems, difficulties, obstacles that cant doesnt seem to stop and i can only think of one true solution...God.

It makes me sad to see people who live their lives crying their tears and not turning to God.

Lord, You love him so
You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe
He will never die
But how then will he know
What he has never heard?
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

Save one more for Jesus...

Friday, March 17, 2006

Florida weekkkk :)

hey everybodyyy okay so im coming back tomorroww :) mann i gotta wake up at 5am tomorrow :( ughh ahha i'ts okay i'll sleep in the car tomorrow haha like i always do :P anywhoooss this week has been AWESOMEEE here's the summary :)

Friday and Saturday
ride to Florida..mann i felt carsick soo many timesss 22hours man! insanity! haha but yea...spent my time..sleeping and listening to music :) hehe then my knees were hurting and what not..but it was cool looking out the window..seeing sunrises and sunsets :) totally in awe of God's creation. And on the way to florida...or just in the states..on the highways...iuno there's like..sets of crosses...like..three crosses and what not..and so iuno it was just so cool. One large one in the middle and two white ones on the side. Totally reminded and amazed by God's unconditional and undying love for us =)

Monday
I went to Tampa Bay...a city in Florida..to visit my mom's friend and they havent seen each other for 27 years..WOWWW that's like..almost 30 and they're still friends...unbelievable..anywhooss went to the beach :) oooOOooO i loveeee lying there and not thinkin about anything and it was not too hot...like a tiny lil breeze and it was SOO nice :) and i found this AWESOME shell haha like..three haha who said u cant find shells there? :P hahha and yea..had dinner with my mom's friend...she's so nice :) it was cool haha i found out that florida is like..chinese-food deprived...man they dun have like...bbq pork and what not..it's INSANITY! like..there's two chinese restaurants in all of Tampa...that's like..having two restaurants in Markham...wth haha i could never imagine haha so yea got home and i learned how to play pool!!!!!! hahahaha

Tuesday
Went shopping at florida mall :) Got a new pair of jean capris :) hehe yayyyyy i love new clothes LMAO! i couldnt find anything i liked from billabong and aeropostale :( i wanted something doughhhh haha ah well and yea....went to walmart...i got a pooh bear towel hehe it's so cuutee but it's retarded..when my mommy washed it..there were like....stuff coming off of it to the other clothes..im like..wth..so we hafta return it :( i want another pooh towel

Wednesday
Went to Magic Kingdom :) I love the magic kingdom it's so...magical haha but yea i saw mickeyyyy and i didnt see pooh bearrrr :( i got sad....*haii but it's okayy sorryyy jesss no pooh bear for uuu ....bought stuffs for people and...i went on all these kkiddy rides :P i like kiddy rides haha i got myself a new cup :) a POOHBEAR cup haha i suddenly have a HUGE obsession over pooh hahah he's just so CUTE! haha and yea :) saw fireworks and the parade :) eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee^^

Thursday
went to Kennedy Space Center :) I want to go to space lolz saw all these old rockets and what not...>CRAZYYYY haha

Friday
Went to Orlando Premium Outlet :) mannn i went into stores where i would never buy things from...like...fendi and coach and versace and dior and mannnnn :) i was like..*gasp* and going insane over burberry bags and what not...BUT i did happen to bring things back :P

two timberland drawstring bags
one ecko sweater
souvenirs and what not for people lolz
pair of bongo jean capris from sirens

honestly the most money i've spent on a trip :P but it's all good ahhaha yayyy coming home tomorrowww :) soo excited i missed everybody soooooo muchhhh

Monday, March 06, 2006

weekend

one of the most amazing weekend i've had in a VERY long time =)

Saturday

Worship Practice was soo awesome! =) it sounded so great and i love working with that team =)
insurance class was SOO joax! LMAO! haha stories of eric and poop hahaha and fart and bev HAHA nat i love you girl! haha honestly i wouldn't survive through insurance class if it wasnt for you haha "now we're doing checking the car" "well that didn't take too long" LMAO! haha
Curious George - cutest movie EVERRRRR =) I LOVE IT! haha yes eric i was loud, so what? haha sue me lolz :P u know u loved it haha thanks jon for the glossettes >< haha eating that expensive chocolate $3.75 man! haha
a.group - amazing worship :) true, skill-less worship :) i love it. The Spirit works, the spirit calls =) awesome talking to gil, candy, kitty, ivan =) thanks candy for your thoughts..it's been a while since i talked to you. i honestly miss it.

Sunday

waking up at 7 in the morning to worship and what not is so worth it haha but so tiring lolz worship was amazing! =) awesome job team! good job leading worship darren! totally hype man
message was short and sweet =) like krispy kreme donuts hehe
NOOMA =) i love rob bell videos. "God puts us through those trials because it's the time where he can hold us close" i love looking at it that way =)
finishing homework...biology amazes me...everything's so complex...God is truly amazing =) So creative...haha so indescribable
watching Oscars =) hehe

that's basically my weekend :) it was hectic...but awesome! =) eeeeeeeee^^ florida in 3 days =)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
Mother Teresa

loving this quote

isn't it amazing..that God...who is so BIG..believes in us.

wow