weekend

this weekend has been pretty cool =) I'm pretty satisfied. actually..this whole week has been pretty cool. I mean sure..busyness and what not..but hey I mean...tonza things totally make up for it. this week just talking to some people I haven't talked to in a while and more venting..*sigh i gotta stop having so much..anger and upsetness inside. but yea...wednesday was interesting...i somehow felt better after it all..but at the same time..guilty...mean...absolutely disgusted with myself. I don't know...after that day i couldn't stop thinking...
then..friday was pretty cool =) ate dinner with Ivan, Mel & David, talking about our cell group, expectations, visions and so forth : ) it was really cool just spending time with them before the year continues : ) Had a great time during the program =) great job eric & gilford! ^^ hehe absolutely funness...haha anywyass yes..then came..saturday
saturday was the highlight of my weekend =) wow i havent been out ALL day in a LONGG time. lol....so yea woke up in the morning @ 8..got dressed and ready to go to university fair with eric, yuki, bev, & danielle =) haha soo joax...so we subway-ed down to union station. went to uni-fair. haha me and bev totally ditched the three of them :P haha sorry guyss.it was really cool..never knew there were so many universities..so many oppportunities. so yea that was that....the went to eaton center =) haha good stuff bev is getting me blingssss =) we got eric's present...>< so much moneyyy ughhh hahha u better like it kiddo! but yes...then back to finch station...i felt like crap :( and THEN eric & bev made fun of me! XP i dun like u guys *hmph..haha then the highlite of my day..bev in the car LMAO! HAHA aww man total joax! danielle tries 2 sleep and bev goes and sings! and like..dances LMAO! soo joaxxx soo loud and like..soo off-tune..killing all the good songs! hahaha then she's like..waving her waterbottle out..soo scared she would cause an accident if she tossed it out..LMAO! hahahaha total joaxxxx and then...at night...eric & issy's bday dinner =) that was fun..good food...i love mel's drawing skills..and got 2 talk 2 jimmy & dexter after dinner =) i miss you jimmyyyy =( haha fun times in the car..hahaha the highwayy total joax =D

Today..Sunday..i felt like poop again after sunday school..*sigh..thanks eric, issy & yuki for being there =) I love you guysss. hahaha issy u're so funny..throwing my shoe in the center of the room! hahaha geee thx!!!! XP hahaha

that is about...good day =)

ughhh

man.friday night..i was ....*sigh....I just had so much....on my mind...first worship practice then actual fellowship..the program..and my cell group. wow...i so regreted taking on so much for ONE night. like..if it was spread out..i guess i would've been okay..but it was all on one night...kinda stressful. First...worship practice didnt start till like...6:45 *sigh...and i never knew that filled with your glory was new. apparently it is...and the chords were all screwy....and then we didnt have an overhead and we were like...starting crazy late...so i started frekaing out..and everything....and *sigh....it seemed like such a long night. i felt like...i screwed up? i don't konw...i jus felt like poop at the end of the day.

anywaysss yes im not gonna like..talk about friday night...if i talked 2 you..u kno how i feel...but thanks guys for everything =) thanks cyrus for reminding me of stuff :) Just totally reminded me that i needed to pray...that we as a fellowship, as a cabinet need to pray and that all those problems we have wont go away till we go about it the right way. God gave us these problems not expecting us to fix it ourselves, but to ask for help. And i learned something today...that God isn't gonna intercede unless you ask Him to. And when you do...He has his timing. We have to get back straight with God...that excitement, that passion, that fire at the beginning of the year...cannot be gone. We just gotta pray. A friend of mine told me that we're all kinda falling right now...and we're gonna keep falling until we ask for help..When we do, God will work, and we will fly =) yes people...fly. Thanks guys for friday night =) I needed it. just to get things outta my head. and thanks for everyone i talked to : ) I love you cabbyyyy people :D

and special happy birthday shoutout goes to issyypoooopp and bnardino =) happy swt 16 guysss

k....let's recap on the past week...man i dun even remember what happened on monday...okay...highlights of this week:
- felt like poop on monday
- soo joax in physics class w. bev and her alien haha her family :P LMAO haha
- bev and her twin (kenny) hahaha
- swimming with my swimming posseyyyyy on tuesdayyy :)

that should be about it regarding school ...yesterday was 2nd week of fellowship :) tonza fun haha it was "not" theme night haha :) i liked the powerpoint at the beginning : ) totally amazingg to symbolize part of our mission statement this year : ) amazing stuff! then we did "who's line is it anyways" to find out what each person was in the cabby : ) total fun and weirdness ahha so us cell group leaders (me, eric, clarence & janice) had to stand back to back and be wrapped in saran wrap then tissue paper. Therefore, my back was towards clarence and man was it hard. first...he was moving back and forth...so i was like...tilting and almost fell. THEN....then the gross-est thing happened! Clarene farted!!!!! and since he was soo much taller than me his butt is like..at my back..and he fartttt ewwwwwwww and i felt like..this rumble too!!!! aww mann soo gross!!! so yes...haha fellowship was fun dough : ) so awesomely cool haha go myers brigggg :) haha i am an extrovert (duh!) and a feeler. haha eric turned out to be a feeler :P haha soo joax then i got bored and drew a bracelet on his arm : ) haha soo sexi mannn haha and i wrote sexiness on it..but i was gonna write sexy...so now it looked like..."sexmess" haha sharon & eric's weird minds :P HAHA

After-fellowship funness was awesomeee :) haha went with eric, sharon, ken & michael..haha soo joaxx we were like...complimenting eric's lang jai-ness haha and then comparing him to orlando bloom LMAO soo joaxx haha then we were just talkin bout boys and what not : ) it was funn..just chilling :) haha awesome stuffff haha and u knooo u love ur bracelet ericcc :P total hotnesssss

seee i told u soo :P

new

so i haven't really blogged about my first week of school...it's been alright...getting use to the fact that I have to wake up at 7 every morning and sleep at 11:30 every night. I missed my friends over the summer. It's cool seeing them again everyday haha and just really cool this year because less laptop courses, which means that there are more people that I've never had classes w/ before like Alton and Kenny. Soyea it's been cool, physics class has been boring, yet fun thanks go Kenny and Bev. =P ahha My teachers aren't THAT bad I guess...things are starting out okay :) So tuesday was the start of a new school year....

Yesterday was the start of a new Koinonia year. A new year to grow, love, laugh, cry, sing, pray together. A new year with new people, new counsellors, new experiences...totally and incredibly exciting! :) I was so excited for last night. So went to church at 5:30 to practice for worship...that was really cool :) new worship team too! haha it's just really cool, actually realizing that it's a new year, and I could just feel God telling me that there's gonna be change, that this year is going to be like no other. Worship practice is always fun :) so went home and ate and then came back...and that's when the night began :) seeing all these new people got me soo excited! hahaha the whole night was just purely amazing. Got to talk to some of the gr 9s and other new people or people I don't usually talk to :P haha I am totally excited for this year :) we've got so many willing and committed people serving this year and this new year...the opportunity of a new start always sheds light and hope into everything :) Let that light keep shining and let not only the level of energy increase throughout the year in Koinonia, but may we become closer, closer to each other, closer to ourselves, and closer to God.

coincidence...destiny...fate...a plan?
why now? why this year?
why not 2 years ago? or 3? why this year?
why at this place?

some things don't change

you didn't and yet you did
we both did

what ifs come to mind...
what if i never left?
would we still be friends now?

my thoughts always seem to wander back to the past...childhood emotions

is it an illusion?
or are you really who I think you are?

schedule

okay first day of school....was well interesting...hectic..and all..turned out my classes weren't that bad...no classes with natalie or jane though :( total bummer. AND i have chemistry first...joy first thing is thinking in the morning ><><>

Sem 1 (Day 1)
Chemistry - Remedios
Visual Arts - Tong
Physics - Dziedzic
English - Pellecchia

Sem 2 (Day1)
Bio - Nazareth
Comm tech - Morassutti
Functions and relations - Burchat
Religion - Rooney

summer...

Before I slept last night, I was just reminiscing about my summer. My hot, amazing, busy, interesting summer. Just remember the friendships I made and the bonds broken and mended. Tomorrow is school and I cant help but ask myself where did my summer go??!??!?! But as much as there was so much more I wanted to do, I'm satisfied. I mean sure my summer had ups and downs, tears, anger and joy, but heck it was all worth it. I mean sure...tears hurt..pain hurts...but I got through it, learning to be strong and taking one day at a time, that it's okay to ask for help and that it's okay to take things slow when you're not ready. Summer...was for me a time to learn, adjust, realize, let go, laugh, and live. Looking back, I couldn't have gone through this summer w/o my amazing friends who helped me through everything. You guys know who you are. Thanks for teaching me, giving me that support when i need it, laughing with me, crying with me, being there when i call : )

Truly blessed

recap

so i woke up at 8:30 this morning because I had to go pee haha turns out i couldn't get back to sleep because of my stuffy nose So i watched a little TV and then decided to eat breakfast and here i am...so let's recap on what happened since tuesday shall we?

Tuesday
nothing happened...stayed at home all day then we had coffeehouse meeting which i think turned out pretty good good feedback and advice for next year

Wednesday
Once again...stayed at home all day, except it felt kinda nice, just to be able to sit at home and relax...drew a little...played a little piano haha i actually felt kinda happy

Thursday
Me, Jane, Bev, & Nat decided to cancel on going to the mall and so I sat at home writing cards for the grads. Then at night, I went to cabby cell group, which was amazing. Having concert of prayer and being able to ask God to bring me back into His arms, to hold me and never let me go. And it just felt like...He was telling me that everything was going to be okay and for the first time in a very long time, I opened up myself to be vulnerable and yet I felt so safe. And there was a time at which we went to a counsellor and they were to pray for us. So I went to JW. And I was just telling him how lost I felt, how in a way I wasn't willing enough. And I asked for two things, passion and humility. And he prayed for me, and then i started crying! I think I finally realized how lost I was, realizing how far I've strained from God....and how much I really need Him that was really amazing. Then we had to plan September's programs wow....I never knew it was that hard...but yea, it was a good night

Friday
Friday was such an awesome day. As usual, my mother woke me up early because I have to get used to waking up early for school but yes, so I spent all morning finishing up cards for the grads. Man there were so many cards to write! haha seriously when I had like...5 left i didn't feel like writing anymore But I did finish eventually. Then I went over to go pick Darren up to go eat lunch. Dude that was fun haha times of me, mel & darren is always fun so we ate at Galleria at Commerce and that was fun haha sitting there for like...30mins trying to figure out what to eat and looking at all the menu spelling errors like...coin chicken lolz...and looking at the menu and thinking that hot dog and ham was a hot dog with a piece of ham haha what a sad lunch ahha darren thinks sad and then so when we finally ordered it was just fun chilling and all haha. After lunch, we wandered aimlessly for quite a while until we decided to go to the park..lolz so walking like...halfway almost to karen's house. and so we found a shovel and it was just soo much fun :) haha I guess a time to chill w. the two of them not gonna happen that often after a while. Then I went home, finished up cards, showered, ate, then went to fellowship. Grad night was sad :( I cried again this year! AGAIN! I honestly didn't think that I would cry and i did! mann that encouragement line just always ends up making me cry. I'm gonna miss people soo much :( man next week is a new year. A year to start off fresh and meet new niners and a new set of old gr 12s. :P Good luck to all those going into university :) and remember to come visit us!

wonderlanddddd :)

okay..so today i went to wonderland with eric, jane, natalie, candy, david, and arnold :) haha so much funn :) haha so nat came at like...8:15 this morning...helping me pick out my top for the day. Then she started playing with my monkey..and before we know it, jane came haha. and eric ended up picking us up at like...9:10...wow haha he was early..haha wut a liar..then he goes and takes a dump in my house! which smells like...aww man..apparently HORRIBLE haha according 2 my brother...=P haha so off we went to wonderland with our slow song CD =P haha man..loving eric's slow song CD :P haha so yea...with our three dollar coupon, we got an awesome parking spot and went in....mann the line to the security thing..we were talkin bout the WEIRDEST things..haha like..being pregnant and like...pecs...mannn soo weird...hahha and me and eric went to sledgehammer...haha i hit my head soo many times! cuz they were like..expected yet unexpected..haa cuz i was talking 2 eric too much ahhahhaa soo retarded..haha i hit my head soo many times! but yea...then we lined up for italian job and candee & david came and joined us :) haha so joaxx singing songs while waiting for the italian job ahha that ride is..fun...haha such an unexpected beginning haha but so fun :) haha then...nat & jane went to the fly and the rest of us went to the batt...haha then came..splashworks! woot woot! haha soo funn :) haha mannnn $5 for a locker is soo freaking expensive..haha but yes...we got one...fit all our valuable stuff there..and threw our bags on the grass somewhere in a pile..and went to go play :) haha mann..all the rides were soo fun..like..black hole and super soaker and lazy riverrrrr haha eric wouldn't let me and nat go! haha kept grabbing onto us!. and i got under the waterfall! all nat's fault haha but i guess we're even ;) but yea...and then we went out for lunch at like...3 ..mann soo hungry haha salad & baked potato at wendy's..darrnnn eric eats soo much! ahha oh so very much...lol...xactly $8. haha our parking receipt was like..burnt haha and the guy at the entrance gave us a new one..lolz.....mann crazy how hot the sun is. but yea...then we went on wild beast and dragon fire and is that it? wow that's so little rides! but we were soo tired from walking :( haha oh! we visited dexter at DQ :) haha thx for the discount dex haha but yea...he looks so serious when he's working..haha it's so funny :P haha but yes...basically we stayed there till like..6:30....ohhh we saw lianne twice and we saw..alton, edwin, kenny, trish, & heyman...haha wow hafnt seen them all summer..butyea..haha gonan see them all in a week again...haha mann school's starting..that's scary..and sad..
but yes
that was my day :P haha soo much fun! haha nat's fav ride today: the toilet HAHAHA kk..that's all for now...toodles~

slowly healing...
getting back to reality...


the three most important and hardest words to say:
I
am
sorry.

Koinonia cabby camp :)

wow...came back from camp yesterday..I would have blogged yesterday..but im lazy haha so this camp was just..simply amazing..spending time with the new cabby of 2005-2006 :) So I'm gonna list the highlights..or what i remember..of each day...haha to lazy to put everything in sentences

The car ride there:
- eric & I singing songs from backstreet boys to n'sync to all these slow songs he had...haha
- mel discovering the song "I believe I can fly" and singing it over and over again :P
- mel destroying eric's ipod haha reversing cover and taking it off...and she actually put it on herself..good job mel! haha

Monday (got there at camp)
- set up the tent...cleaned it and stuff...accidently made a stain of deet on jon's tent :P whoopsies
- haha me and liann found mich w/ a knife and begged for mercy =P haha so joax in the tent. haha had fun w/ liann and mich :) haha
- michael and eric decided to cook bananas...haha result: tasted the same..cept squish-ier
- silas and I tried scaring PJ...he ended up scaring us haha and silas like..jumped
- talking to mel in my tent :) haha soo joax haha ninja turtle memoriez
- roasted marshmellows :) so yummyyyy haha mike makes awesome marshmellows
- played the murder game :P haha so much fun
- going to the beach and finding a tree that looked like people with mike, clar & eric...woww soo freaking scaryy

Tuesday
- going to the beach early in the morning and just..stood there....felt nice
- doing devos at the beach and silas kinda kept me company
- finding rocks w/ eric and issy...because "they are free" lolz
- haha PJ, clar, & edwin throwing eric into the water because he threw sand down somebody's top...horrible kid! haha
- hehe me and mel burying our feet in the sand haha and mel kept destroying it! haha and my talking toe =P haha
- singing camp songs w/ Michael, Eric, Isabella, Mel haha soo joax
- mike and eric's fist of fury killing ladybugs..soo gross
- silas hitting me w/ a frisbee..TWICE on the head...:( lost tonza brain cells there
- taking awesome pix :)
- clarence, gilbert, & ivan building their fort troy...haha and having a "mud" fight w/ clarence..haha dirtied my pants! XP
- me and mel's handprints on the sand :) leaving our mark haha
- talking with mel at night and staying outside with the stars till 3 (couldn't stay all night..i was soo cold...i was like..getting seizures)

Wednesday
- hearing lai tao all morning....mann and gilford asking questions all morning haha (do you hate me?)
- sharing from Silas & PJ and finding the rocks on the beach :) soo pretty
- clarence finding a rock that looks like a butt XP
- sitting at the beach one last time before leaving
- talking to issy and eric in the car...
- sleeping on the way home and eating a bite of rolo mcflurry =P

haha this camp was just..so amazing...i don't remember the last tiem i relaxed liek this....i'll have pix up soon..or i do..but im waiting for eric's pix...the pix that I took with his camera :P haha

I can't take this anymore

I feel so...lost...so confused...so trapped...I feel like I'm dying inside. If only this big chunk of sadness would come out of my head, then I would be a happpy gurl again. Not gonna happen...sometimes...I wonder if i even knew what i was doing in the first place. Why did I go into it? Did i even know what I was doing? *sigh...I don't know...too many questions that I cant seem to answer and it scares the heck outta me. Yet I can't help but think this is my fault. That maybe...perhaps if i cared a little more, then maybe this wouldn't happen. Maybe then we wouldn't be so distant....there wouldn't be as many barriers between the two of us. i don't know...where does it lead the two of us now? I can't help but feel awkward when I talk to you....can't help but feel sad or depressed...*sigh...i guess it takes time. the question is..how long? How long does it take before I can figure out what I want...what God wants? How long is it going to take for me to heal my wounds? How long is it gonna take for me to feel true joy again? to be able to laugh and not feel bad? just...how long....

COFFEEHOUSE = AMAZING

wow...coffeehouse is over...haha it's OVER! and it was AWESOME! 100% awesomenesss :) seriously...we've worked our butts off for this night and every little bit of it was worth it! I mean...the whole room was just SOO filled with the Holy Spirit and with the amazing presence of God. This day altogether has just been amazing...period end of story. Let's start from the beginning shall we?

Okay so I got to church at 11 this morning to do worship and we waited for like 1 hr for Dexter...then worship surprisingly ended quite early....it was like...1:00 when we ended. So we went out and walked to Tim Hortons and ate and i yelled at Darren a little because he bought an ice-cap. Soo joax at Tim Hortons. haha We made Michael buy a timbit...ONE timbit haha and it was 16 cent. haha soo joax..and Darren came up with the idea of next time, buying one timbit and cutting it into 6 haha soo joax. AND we found out Tim Hortons sells Jam and Peanut Butter Packets...2 for 25 cents LMAO! haha PB & J Sandwich =P haha Darren actually wanted me to go up and order two jam packets and ask for a spoon haha....we gotta try that sometime...but it was just soo funn chilling with the whole worship team =) awesome bonding hahaha and then we went back...and me, mel & darren went to go move tables..until we got tired and just sat there chilling for like..1hr....haha talking and laughing..and me and mel just being stoopid haha and we realized soo many things in the children's sunday school classroom...
a) whales don't fly (yes melody :P)
b) we found jason fok's arts and crafts or smoething on the wall =P
c) and i discovered there was a tree
d) and mel found a flower that loooked like her =P haha
just plain stopid things...and soo joax...it was just so cool chilling with them..and talking about stuff =) haha and darren hates children shows.
Then my mommy told me 2 go home :( ruined my fun haha but yea..went home, freshened up...washing my face and all..and i prayed....and i just realized how far God brought us through coffeehouse. it was AMAZING.

So i went back to church and I found mel and darren..and it was soo joax once again..seriously I lost my voice because I was laughing w/. the both of them all day long :P seriously. And I was creative and saw mel's RUINED (ahem darren) strawberry as a brown ninja turtle (and no im not racist ahha) but yea =) it was interesting haha mel's picture =P hahaha and then darren hid from coffeehouse =P but then i pulled him out so that he can suffer with me hahaha =P and finally..coffeehouse arrived after praying and going out w/ Jon to get food, it finally came..and i was FREAKING OUT...ppl were telling me to calm down but i was just FREAKING OUT...i wasl ike....ahhh and going crazy...but u know what? God worked...seriously! Jessie's message was just purely amazing =) Andrew's testimony was amazing =) God provides, and God works...
anyways..it's 12 like..30 im tired...i wanna sleep..i'll update more 2morrow =) toodles

wow...

wow....coffeehouse is in two days. this is..overwhelming, yet exciting, yet...scary? haha I don't know...just a whole bunch of emotions. But I guess...this anticipation as to how coffeehouse is going to turn out is kinda scary. For the past few days, I've been in the freaking out mode. Seriously I think I joined the "seriously freaking out about coffeehouse club" along..w/ like..mel & stuff...and it was just all so overwhelming and i was just soo worried. And then today....or just now...i read my friend's blog...and he was saying how even though coffeehouse has a lot of technical stuff to figure out...God's using us to bring His people back to Him. And I was just...like..wow...because I dont' know...I lost sight of that...a week ago I was the one telling people that it's gonna work out alright..and I lost sight of that reassurance that God is using us for His glory...and He will work according to His perfect plan.

=(

see my last post was oh so happy...and now the happy face turned upside down :( why? because I'm thinking again...about way too many things...jus....pondering...reminiscing...not knowing what to do...confused...feeling lonely...wanting...a hug? haha the one day i get to take a break from drama...i go and think and make myself upset...aww man...k well I guess i gotta pour it out before it jus kinda starts killing me.
What is worth it? What makes something for you worth it that you keep striving for it? Is something worth it if it's breaking you up and making you die inside? Could we possibly just create an illusion for ourselves to believe that some things are worth it because perhaps we're scared to let go or we just don't want to...because it makes up who we are or we've fought for it so much that we can't just give it up like that? So what do you do? What do you do when's something's affecting everything you do...yet you can't just let go? Do you jus sit there and be confused and i duno...

I'm currently...feeling...lonely? I don't know why...but I just kinda do...I don't know if it was because of yesterday....or I'm just regreting..not of things I've done..but what i didn't do? I've been smiling all week...and yet there's just been so many things clogged up inside of me whether it be coffeehouse or relationships ...I'm tired...i need rest..and i can't because these things....i'm not letting out...causing me to be ready to explode...*sigh....Why smile when you're not happy? I say I want to be transparent..but really how many people know me for me...and i hate it...because I'm so scared...maybe of what others think of me...or what not...I'm tired of bottling everything up...*sigh....I'm tired of inversing my priorities and getting screwed over.

Father God I cry out to you because it's time like these when I realize that I can't do it anymore...that I've relied on myself too much, making myself sick and weary. And Father I pray that You forgive me for not looking up to You for help, not relying on You. Father I surrender it all to you God, placing all my burdens and worries into your hands in prayer.

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life.

starting fresh...

=)

Today is saturday...this week has just been pretty darn amazing...or at least the end of it, starting with thursday. I had..worship practice and I don't know what was wrong but we were just like...i don't know..screwing up? ahha but yea...I was like..thinking...why is this happening God..like..what's wrong..and I felt so discouraged..liek..*hai...w/e kinda thing..but then cell group just helped me through that so much! Garway & Silas was leading and it was just soo amazing. Garway was reading this story to us about how Satan's plan is to keep us busy so that we won't have time for God and what not..and i've read that story before...but i guess it really hit me because the first thing i thought of was myself...because I've either been complaining or just..freaking out about coffeehouse and VBC and stuff like that and I was just so overloaded with so many things and it really made me think...Did I give God my time this week? like..did i REALLY? wholeheartedly? *sigh...I've been so busy..and overstressed...and I just need to rest...rest in the arms of God and find peace and comfort in Him. I'm not saying that all my busyness is all Satan's fault because all these things are used to glorify God's name...but I mean..perhaps it's the fact that I overload myself...not what I am doing...but how much I'm doing...so yea...it really made me reflect and realize that I am drifting...that I've always been drifting since like..May...so yea...*sigh and to top off my day, Beverly called and told me she wanted to come to church, which totally made me SOO happy =) hearing one of my friends wanting to go to church puts a smile on my face =) but yea...so that was my thursday :) my amazinggg thursday.
Then Friday...drama practice :) soo joax haha w/ Michelle, Janice, & Eric. Drama practices are always fun..exhausting..but fun :) haha can't wait till coffeehouse! haha and had sports night for fellowship that night. Bev came and we talked and stuff...haven't talked to Bev in a while...so it was really nice :) And last but not least to top off the day, talked with Cheryl becuase I couldn't sleep last night and I guess I just needed someone to talk to :) that gurl is awesome! haha she like made me cry haha =P but yea...made me feel a lot better =) and so yea...the today..worship practice =) fun stuff...finished TWO SONGS! yea! go us! haha thx to darren's thinking all day yesterday =) haha but yea it was really cool =) i felt happy haha and yea...I was talking to Melody today and jsut realized we're both SOO stressed...*sigh..looks like im not the only one..and yea...=) that is my three days =) my three amazing God-given and blessed days...I am in SUCH a good mood =)

When I say..."I am a Christian"

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."

I'm whispering "I was lost,"

Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"

I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble

and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak

and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed

and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visible

but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I still feel the sting of pain,

I have my share of heartaches

So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"

I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner

who received God's good grace, somehow.

- Maya Angelou

He Chose the Nails

So I was reading He Chose the Nails, and it's really amazing what it reminds me of how GREAT God is. Max Lucado was saying that all that was needed in order for us to be saved was his blood, but he did SOO much more. He gave us that crown of thorns, and the sponge soaked with blood, the mockery of the soldiers, and the nails and cross. This is all his big gift. It's like..a gift under a Christmas tree. I think we all remember when we were little and it was Christmas and we would frantically opening presents and have the biggest smiles across our faces. Imagine those magnificant gifts but instead of a tree, it's under a cross, and when you open them, instead of toys and brand new clothes, it's a crown of thorns and a sponge soaked with cheap wine. Max Lucado gives us the question of this:
Did we open all His presents? Did we really look at all the gifts He's given us? Really thought about the true significance and how much He gave us?

I mean He didn't have to do all that stuff, but he did, making us love Him soo much more.

God deserves all our praise, all of it

awesomenesssss

wowww so much fun today! i was out ALL day from 9am - 10pm haha but it was soo funn...okay let's start with yesterday..

Saturday:
I sat in my room for 2 hours doing nothing..which actually feels really good..and relaxing...just takes my mind off stuff...then i started cleaning my room and when i clean my room, i look through stuff..hence reminencing...so yea...haha then went to BBQ at my aunt's house. Me and my cousin got bored and so we went to see Mr. & Mrs. Smith at STC :) haha sucha good movie!!!! go see it!

Sunday:
Man today..was sooo awesome...so went to church and Sunday school which was pretty cool haha ryan being stopid =P then..VBC meeting..which was pretty cool...oh reminds me....i gotta send the meeting minutes XP whoopiesss...anywaysssss went home to change....when we went to the gamee man i was soo hyped and ready for it! hahahaha cheering and alll that...in sucha good mood today =))) We lost our first game..but won our second game! yayyy go beloved! Devos was really good =) mann so joax laughing at jasmineee =P HAHA she was like..killing Grace from Zoocru haha soo vicious! hahahaha but yea good job Edwin :) woot woot! hahaha and then..man after game...me, eric, edwin, patrick, issy, & jon went out 2 eat soooo coollllll :) we bumped into guys from samaritan so we're like..whoaa look! haha and we all ate together...so all 11 of us haha so i met..Ben, Kenny, Alex, Byron, & Adrian haha soooo joax mann..soo funny haha cool guys =)) anyways yes yes =) awesome dayyy..but...

Darren dislocated his thumb, Nick got a big bruise on like...his stomach...hope you guys feel better soon! =)

Canada Dayyyy

today was SOO MUCH FUN! hahahaha i actually didn't expect to have that much fun hahaha. I went to JC Camp today with my parents for the day and I thought..wow..this is going to be boring...haha then i hung out with the venturers people...mann soo cool! hahaha I met Carmen, Portia, and Angus. haha When i heard his name, the first thing i thought of was...clarence HAHA =P anywayss had tonza fun today. HAHA Melody and her moon face =P hahhahaha it's all darren's fault! now everytime I loook at her...i notice it and i laugh *hai...so today.... we....First at the pool and getting darren all wet and soaked like crazyyy =P then we did...archeryyy =) cool stuff i could actually hit the board HAHA that's good enough for me. Then..mountain biking..that was sooo exhausting..all those hills...goodness haha mel had SOO much trouble cuz her bike was too small for her...lolz...and I got soo tired...I am soo out of shape..man gotta start exercising more often. Then..we..did high ropes! and I am soo prouda myself..I actually went on...and got HALFWAY ahhahahah go me! =P then...darren and his skill of climbing the vertical thingy...haha then portia beat him =P haha too bad man =P AND i went to the climbing wall =P didn't go all the way cuz my fingers started cramming >< which really sucked haha but it was fun nevertheless =) We ate dinner..then built the campfire =) i learned stuff today hahaha cool stuff =) but yea =) I ended up having fun and so yea haha darren's sucha bum! HE SLAPPED ME!!!!!!! XPPP poopoo faceee

haha anywayyyss

HAPPY CANADA DAY EVERYONE!

graduation

Grad was soo funny last nite =P haha mann i was so bored then all of a sudden ...i find..A PEN! in nat's bag..haha so i needed paper....and i found..TISSUE HAHA :P and the whole ebay tissue thingy started hahah soo joaxxx. We were like..let's sell it on Ebay and we wrote ALL over it! haha now natalie's gonna hang it on her wall =P i shall buy her a picture frame for that tissue =P HAHA soo joaxx then...rickson was soo funny hahaha man i love that kid haha and GO STICKING ISSUES! haha anywaysss yes yes fun stuff
then this morning...coffeehouse meeting was joax =P hahaha melody and darren and EMILY dude..crazinessss haha soo joax yup yup..then after..it's..SOFTBALL PRACTICE!!! haha not in the greatest of moods but meh..gonna make the best of it!

shoppinggggg

YES! i bought two tops today :) haha my hand smells like gap perfume and yes haha i got...a tank at garage and a jersey thingy at blue note haha i like it =P it's so...ilke..sucha guy..but i like it so w/e haha what else...oh yes :) it was just cool seeing tori and stuff haha david came along haha and yes....i feel kinda bad :( made eric drive me :( and he was like...rushing home or something..awww sorry :*( but yes...today worked out pretty well..it's raining like crazy right now...thunderstorm -_-" makes me scared and gloomy haha but yes okay..enuf of this...i should really like...clean my room haha =P my desk is soo messy cuz i gave up hahaha and tomorrow is GRADUATION! ewww i just heard from sylvia today at the mall that we hafta wear our uniform for grad...for the mass..like...ewwyyyyy xP and then...something nice for night..so yes =P kk well..that's it for now =) loving summer babyyyyy

here's the pic from todayyy :) the loserss :P the COOL losers hahahha

Batman

Batman Begins was a total disappointment...don't go see it...honestly...not even worth my $4.25 i paid =P haha anywayss yes yes it was fun though yesterday =) with candeee and davidd and owen and ericc and edwinnnnnnnn :) haha but yes..and then...softball...wow..i was in the mood at the beginning..and then..after moving so much..it was like...arghh* so blehhhh...but yea...haha i'm going SHOPPING TODAY!!! with TORI and CANDY and DAVID? hahaha :P it's okay...david's gurlie enuf haahhahhaha =P haha kk toodles for now :)

ouchersss

acK* i can't really type right now...*sigh..haha softball practice yesterday :) haha i got hurt :( haha stoopidest way too..the ball was bouncing towards me..i went to go catch it..and it bounces off my glove and hits my chin :( sucksss now i have this lil..thing on my chin >< *sigh..then i didn't catch properly...or i don't know what happened...my pinky started hurting..and so i stopped playing..then it starts swelling and hurting when i bend it >< and now...i woke up this morning..and it's blueeee like my WHOLE pinky is blueeee it's soo weird and grossss...but yes..haha accidents that come with sports haha but yes...i hope it gets better before the game on Sunday..or i don't think i can play..it's getting a bit better..*sigh...ah well..back to studyingg...science exam 2morrow..then i'm DONE =DD haha hahaha...
btw...i need summer coloured clothes! honestlyyyy lacking summer colorsss

:P

i want the backstreet boys CD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

busynessss

yayy done eng exam..haha failed it..but @ least i'm done..anywayss argh* so confused..plans are all over the placee...i can't watch batman on friday because I need to babysit =( and i need to babysit practically like..everyday in the summer...hating thisss but yes...i'll see...anywayyssss this is my schedule for nowww..soo freaking bz =P

Friday - Baby sitting after exam then fellowship
Saturday - car wash and softball
Sunday - two softball games
Monday - going to see Batman
Tuesday - Might go to wonderland? have to talk to Candy
Wednesday - grad night
Thursday - eat lunch with Auntie and i'll figure something out to do
Friday - camp
Saturday - nothing
Sunday - VBC meeting

that's my whole week's schedule..i don't konw...I dont' want to go out everydayyyy....i'm never home! as u can seee...so yes....so much to doo i'm gonna 4get something =P

update

wow i hafn't updated since..like..forever haha anywaysss yes yes studying for exams and taking a break....15 minute break..i promised myself..anywaysss happy :) haha two exams :) hahaha tomorrow and friday :) eng and science haha not worried..this is the FIRST time i'm not stressed about exams..haha go me! anyways yes :) life is good...fun stuff today..last day of school..and wow...i'm going to be in gr 11 in two months..soo olddd HAHA i know i shouldn't be complaining! but honestly! haha :P make people like cyrus and jon fell olddd :P haha anywayss yes yes :) softball practice 2morrow :) loooking forward to THAT :) haha always looking forward to softball haha i suck @ it dough :( sadly haha anywayss yes yes..okay back to studying!
toodless~!

softball yesterdayyy =) totally funnn =D hahaha i suck..but it's soo funnnn hahaha i got hit by the ball THREE TIMES! all from my knee down >< hahaha ahh well..haha all worth it =) haha mann i was so happpy...I CAN CATCH hahahahahahha but yes =) tonza fun..crazy hot..but tonza fun...

anywayss =) science test is over..so..drama exam and comm tech cpt left..*sigh...better do good in drama..stressing..for the first time EVER in drama...DRAMA..honestly! *sigh..this is sad hahaha

A thin blanket

I was just finishing up "When God writes your love story" so that i can give it back to Jess and I have no homework this weekend =P and chapter sixteen that tells a story that really made me think about these past few weeks.

A Thin Blanket
The night air was cold, frigid cold! In the icy prison cell sat two young Chinese men, emaciated from loss of food and light. They both had only a thin blanket to keep them warm. The hard floor beneath them was cruel and merciless, and the shackles upon their ankels seemd to mock their pain. Yet in this arctic sanctuary of doom was heavenly warmth.One of the two men had a thought.
If that were Jesus next to me, would I give Him my blanket?
This Chinese man, who had but a thin blanket to keep himself warm, recognized the privilege it would be to give what little he had to the God who has given him everything. He removed the blanket from around his shoulders and placed it around the shoulders of his shivering friend.
I want you to picture yourself in the same, icy cold prison cell. And all you have is a thin blanket to warm yourself. How tightly would you cling to the little comfort you have? What would it take for you to part with your precious blanket?
You see, that thin blanket represents our life. If we give up our blanket, we're going to die. If we let go of our lone security, we must surrender to death. But what if the one next to you in that cell was Jesus? What if you had the privilege of giving what little you had to the one who gave up His life for you? What if you really did have the opportunity to show your love and gratitude to the King of all Kings and the Creator of the Universe? Would you give up your blanket?

I was just thinking about that...our society tells us to hold on to our lives...planning our future and securing it. What we don't realize is that the security of our future is not in the blanket we have, but in Jesus. If we give it to Jesus, He will show you the beautiful side of love. He'll use you beyond anything you can imagine. Would you entrust him with the pen to write your story? It's not easy. Christianity is not an easy way out. If anything...Christianity is hard...it's considered anything BUT cool on earth. Throughout history, true Christianity has been ridiculed and persecuted. But He's forgiven us over and over again, time after time, loving us when we doubt Him. How much are you willing to give up for Him?

If you stand up for God, He stands up for you

thoughts...

people say they care...but do they really? I mean you talk to them...they tell you they love you...then when you really need them...they're not there...they turn their back on you like they no longer care. I mean...I don't expect them to be there for me 24/7...that's asking quite a lot...but I mean..just once...i want you to show that you care...do you really care...or are you just using me...or hanging around me just because you think you gotta put up with me

*sigh...I've just been thinking...how so many times in my life I've changed, moving from one group to the next. And there are some friends..that are worth keeping forever...some people that you know will care and stick by your side no matter what. And I dunno...i guess sometimes people that i do care about...just seem to drift away...not sure why...but i miss them...not that i dun see them...just like..we don't talk as much...or whatever...not as close and stuff..

i know that God placed those people in my life for a reason...regardless of how annoying...or stoopid they are...and i guess i've been able to see that...people do matter...every single one of them..when you make fun of them....or wish something bad towards them..it's like..saying they don't deserve to live...dude..who are we to say that they are unworthy? honestly...I hear people at school saying that they hope somebody dies...or somebody breaks their leg or something..out of pure anger...and wut are you saying? that they shouldn't be living? that they're a waste of flesh and blood? it doesn't make sense....people are like..oh don't waste your breath or time talking to that person or what not...everybody is worth my time...it's a fact..it's not because i see things differently..it's a fact...and so you know what...i'm going to stick to that...I mean Jesus died for us when we were his enemies...when those he died for mocked him ...and we can't even give some sort of time to those who we think are just a little annoying? There's good in everyone...I know that...call me naive or whatever you want...but that's how i see it...and it helps..it really does...

....don't judge me if you don't know me

Your dating personality profile: Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.

Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Traditional - You aren't looking for someone who is sexually repressed. You want someone who is adventurous under the covers. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Religious 2. Liberal 3. Big-Hearted 4. Shy 5. Traditional 6. Athletic 7. Wealthy/Ambitious 8. Stylish 9. Practical 10. Adventurous

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Traditional 3. Practical 4. Athletic 5. Conservative 6. Big-Hearted 7. Funny 8. Shy 9. Adventurous 10. Intellectual

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

books that need to be read

_ Where the heart is - Billie Letts
_ When God writes your love story - Eric & Leslie Ludy
_ He chose the nails - Max Lucado
_ Mere Christianity - C. S. Lewis
_The five people you meet in heaven - Mitch Albom
_ The curious incident of the dog in the night-time - Mark Haddon
_It's not about me - Max Lucado
_ In the eye of a storm - Max Lucado

that's all for now....

prayer

i duno...a lot's been happening lately...my family's kinda going crazy...*sigh...from sunday to tuesday...my parents didn't talk...becuase of one argument..that had my dad screaming and my mom crying..*sigh it's scary..it's sad..it makes me mad...i duno...i guess i just want it all to stop..who doesn't...and God really uses you when you ask Him to...after crazy prayer for hte past two days, finally got the courage to talk my heart out to my parents 2night...and i duno things seem better =) which i am veryyy grateful about...*sigh...it's hard...when i see these imperfections in my family...it breaks my heart..it hurts my feelings more when they're yelling @ each other than me. Loving somebody means sacrificing time and energy to work with them..to make them better =) and i duno..after last week's sermon...and then the fight...makes me realize how important and how much honor my parents deserve. They're not perfect..but i shouldn't expect them to be. Prayer is power =)

haha total joax

rawr i'm a monkeyyyy =P HAHA darren can draw cavemen =P HAHA weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

excitement

hahaha i'm happy..i'm not sure why...maybe it's cuz it's been such good weather =) i LOVE this weather! so warm..but not hot...w/ a little breeze =) i wanna go to the park and play on the playground :P haha and run around in the grass =) hahaha and yes =) i'm jus happy haha i like being happyyyy =) ohh yeaaa =) and i've been exercising...badmintonn =) haha like twice a week? plus the treadmill at home haha it feels good =) hahaha

Giving God the pen

giving God the pen...it's never easy....but then again..nobody ever said it was...it's not because i don't trust Him...I mean..after all he's done for me...how can i not trust Him. I guess it's a sense of ...i want to control my own life. pride..selfishness...*sigh...gotta work on it...i was thinking of this when i was walking home...i got the privledge to walk home today..and i actually wanted to...it was nice out...why not...=) but yes...
God's like an artist...painting a grand masterpiece of a certain place...the paint being maybe certain people or things that just bless one's day =) An artist not only has different colors, but different brushes, with different edges and sizes to create different strokes and effects. Us serving is kinda like..being those paintbrushes. God uses us in awesome ways to bless people's lives. However, we cannot do it alone. In order to complete this masterpiece, God's gotta use other paintbrushes too. =)
When something goes wrong...or you don't think you're doing enough...dont' be so hard on yourselves...i mean yes...we can all do a lot =) maybe even better sometimes...but God will use us in His plan where He sees fit =) it might not always be up to you =) it's not even your masterpiece to finish, but God's.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
-Jeremiah 29:11

wow i haven't been talking about what's going on in my life for a while...so here goes...yesterday was soo much fun! haha went to KBBQ for dinner w/ 15 other people for Edwin's birthdayyy, which is on thursdayyyy =) haha soo joax haha the beef and the..diarrhea HAHA they know what i mean...hahaha and then..MANGO haha it was so much fun =) i'm glad everybody had fun! haha then after...we went to second cup and just chilled =) haha going crazy then calming down is good =P haha...yesterday my friend was showing me these lyrics from apparently a rock song....haha

Petra - Judas' Kiss
I wonder how it makes you feel when the prodigal won't come home
I wonder how it makes you feel when he'd rather be on his own
I wonder what it's like for you when a lamb has gone astray
I wonder what it's like for you when your children disobey

It must be like another thorn struck in your brow
It must be like another close friend's broken vow
It must be like another nail right through your wrist
It must be just like
Just like Judas' kiss

I wonder how it makes you feel when no one seeks your face
I wonder how it makes you feel when they give up in the race
I wonder what it's like for you when they willingly disobey
I wonder what it's like for you when they willingly walk away

those lyrics up there just made me think...so many times people sing and praise the Lord for His love and yet they sin without thinking of the consequences. And it's interesting becuase even if we do think of the consequences, we think of the consequences that affected US. Have we ever...EVER thought about how our loving father up there might feel? The chorus really hit home for me, just made me think i guess how much it could affect God. Think before you act because you'll never know who will be affected by it.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. - Ambrose Redmoon
God never promised
A life without pain,
Laughter without tears
Or sun without rain.
But He did promise
Strength for the day,
Comfort for the tears
And light for the way,
And for all who believe
In His Heaven above
He rewards their faith
In His everlasting love.

hehe

u know whats a funny word? KERFLUFFLE haha makes me think of popcorn...hmmm i duno why...haha



haha popcorn see! =D

wow...

i haven't been here for so long..u know why? cuz i forgot my password..and like...i was so confused..and i forgot my username *sigh..haha and i went to florida =) had tonzaaa fun haha I MET STITCH =D haha cept kinda scary cuz he was as tall as me..so was lilo...=/ but yesss... i absolutely LOVEEE this picture.



eeeeeeeeeeee^^ love it sooo much SOO CUUUTEEE anywayysss =) haha toodles for now~

nothing

Today's application night was really well done =) haha good job clarence & liann =) awesome job u guys did. Anywayss yes yes humility..something i think all of us needs to learn because so many times we think we're better than others or we may take pride in our belongings or work or achievements. That honestly affects your relationship with God. I mean i know it does to for me. I guess when things might be going well or whatever and like...you feel so proud of your work, sometimes it may even go over God, making us idolize in our work. As weird as it may sound..idolizing in your work, it's very real and very true for some people, like me. I take pride in a lot of the achievements and work that i do and when i get good on it, i'm happy. However, sometimes it's hard to remember that' without God, we are NOTHING. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. and seriously He has a choice. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him and it's just so amazing how he gave us so much =) so amazing..you know...He gives and takes away. And honestly be thankful and look up to God when something good happens..because you know what? it comes from him. ALL OF IT. so yea =) k well bed time..haha early today =P toodless~

=)* smilesss

ahh~ i have a headache >.< and it stinks poo! =( but yes...other htan that..today's been pretty good. My week actually started out pretty darn bad...pissed off at my friend and like..just so many things to throw me off and i was thinkin....*haii..great...i had an awesome week last week and now this one is gonna be crap. Honestly i didn't think things could get better...but u know what? they did...it's thursday..and this week wasn't long at all...yes there were times where i just wanted to kick something..or throw something...or screamm....but God was always there..telling me that everything was going to be okay. Honestly that assurance that He's going to take care of everything is just...awesome..totally amazing =) I hafn't been stressed yet =) hehe so yup that's good =)
i found myself praying a lot lately..which is relli good =) but yea..just thanking God for everything..and just wanting to talk to Him all the time haha =) Prayer is honestly an AWESOME thing. Just puts a smile on my face =) just saying a simple hi and thanks to my daddy up there, i know it puts a smile on His face. As simple as that...and it puts a smile on my face too =) All He wants is for us to talk to Him, for us to know that He's always there =) hehe but yes=)*smilesss~

poooooooooo

i wanna read when God writes your love storyyyyy
jesssicaaaa cheung lend it to me =) please? =)

done!

course selection sheet due monday...i have finally chosen my courses....because me going into pharmceutical tech or design tech

- bio
- chem
- physics
- comm tech
- visual art

gee i hope i dun get bio, chem, and physics all in one sem..that would suck..big time

perspective

God has honestly given me a lot this week. Things are looking up =) and i'm happy haha. This week wasn't long...nor was it short...time was just..time...and I wasn't waiting for the day to end. I went by everyday, having a positive attitude, even in school...surprisingly and I guess with that, i like my classes a lot more. Just seeing things on a different perspective can totally change your day..or how you feel..your mood, etc. I mean like...this week...weather's been nice =) things have just been really great. I mean crazy things didn't happen...but i mean..you don't need crazy things to happen to be happy =) so yup =) i found this story..pretty cool stufff =) they read it at my school too...like..a month ago..i thought it was pretty cool =)

One day a father and his rich family took his son to a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night in the farm of a very poor family.
When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"Very good Dad!"
"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.
"Yeah!"
"And what did you learn?"

The son answered, "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden, they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have a whole horizon."

When the little boy was finishing, his father was speechless.His son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are!"

Isn't it true that it all depends on the way you look at things? Perspective is honestly a beautiful thing =)

hope you liked it =) and hope everybody has a great rest of the week..haha

Prayer night =)

man...yesterday was honestly amazing. This whole week i've been trying to get back on track...and asking God to come back...for ME to go back to Him rather....and allow me to feel His presence. Last night was honestly incredible. When i was worship, when i was praying, I knew He was there for Jesus said:

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. (Matthew 18:20)

I was honestly in awe yesterday in EVERYTHING. I had no words to explain it. Prayer meeting was awesome..haha first time there...but honestly to hear how humble people were when praying it was just so amazing and i totally felt God's presence there, listening to the cries of His children. Just during the whole night, I guess I learned more and also just...got to reflect and everything, just praying for the church and stuff...i never knew there could be so much to pray for. lolz...but yea..then there was the candlelight thingy and i was with edwin & kitty. It was just so amazing you know? And there was music playing and I felt the Spirit in Me. I had sucha great urge to just Praise our Heavenly Father and it was just soo amazing you know? We did spontaneous prayer and it was just so amazing..haha i sang with the music and I prayed and I was like...I felt so on fire. Just throughout the rest of the night, my spirit was up and everything =) One night at fellowship can do a whole lot =)

Another thing, i'm so happy our cell group is getting closer =) it's so cool! haha like...i remember just like...3 weeks ago we were talking about we gotta work on it and stuff. And these past few weeks...our cell group is just opening up to each other and stuff =) I can honestly see some people grow, just opening up more and yea =) It's amazing =) haha i'm happy now haha but yea our cell group is getting smaller though...but that's okay! we're tight hahahaha i love you guys! And thanks to Jess C &amp;amp; Edwin & Jess W haha counsellor and cell group leaders =) u guys are awesomeeeee =) totallie haha

Snowglobe...

lalalalalala =) no hmwk todayyy =) haha it was snowing outside and me and jane were in science class and we were like...wowwww and this is what we came up with. Jane said that it looked like a snowglobe..haha so i was like..OOO it's like the world's like God's snowglobe..haha so pretty =) haha He shakes it up once in a while and makes it all pretty =) haha yes yes we're crazy...haha
On the other hand. Thing i'm trying to really do: Give up everything to GOD! try to stop trying =P haha and honestly I mean...life without God is meaningless and I guess many times i've tried to do things on my own...only to find out i can't do it...over and over again...haha you would think i would learn...*sigh..but yea...I just need to trust and put EVERYTHING is God's hands.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:29-31)
I need to trust more upon the fact that God provides in ALL circumstances

Amazing Love

God you are honestly an amazing God. It just amazes me and sometimes even hard to grasp because you're so big and so eternal. And Father God, I know I have been unfaithful and so many times i have turned my back on you. Father I want to come back to you, I've strayed so far, trying to come back on my own, but God, I need your help. I want to come home to you again. I want to be able to praise you again with all my heart and truly be on fire for you God. Father I don't want any prize, no feast, no nothing, just that you guide me back to you. I know I am not worthy of your forgiveness and Father I stand in awe of you because your love and mercy never changes. Your love and mercy overflows and I just thank you so much and You deserve all my praise. In Jesus Name, Amen.

it's really amazing how God just comes and give you this "hug", telling you that everything's going to be okay when you feel like breaking down because you've drifted so far. I was reading John 10 today after school, and it talked about Jesus as the good shepherd and we are the sheep. And all these things He was saying all led to his death for us. It's indescribable as to how grateful and in awe i am at His love. Sometimes it's like...unbelievable that He would die for us, for ME. I don't deserve it...yet He loved us so much that He died for our sins. I was looking at the daily bread devos...and there was a quote:
Believing that Jesus died, that's history; believing that Jesus died for me, that's salvation.

*sigh...
How could it be? That you were the one on the cross. Lifted for all our shame. How could it be? The scares in your hands, are for me. You are the king of all.
(More than life - Hillsongs)

Love is in the air

happy valentine's day =) haha valentine's day...a day of...love and affection...haha why do we have a day for love? I mean...don't you show love and affection everyday to people? I don't know...but yea
haha funny how it's valentine's day and what's on my mind. I guess after the conversation I had with you last night, it made me reflect and think i guess...
Is there really a line that people can see or draw to separate friendship and relationship? Is there a distint point where you know and you can say that you know the difference? It's hard...because I don't know...maybe it's different for everybody because people may have a wide range of ideas but seriously what line? You can't draw a physical line...like...what and what not to do...because that's honestly kind of stupid. Emotional lines? controling your feelings? hard thing to do man. But i don't know...i guess we all have to draw our own lines because it's different for everyone.

Another thing....typical question that may don't have the answer to:
What is love?
Yes the Bible answers what love is... the aspects of love in 1 Corinthians 13. Paul makes it perfectly clear that love is important...even most important...more important than faith and hope. But how do you know when you're in love? I mean...yes the aspects are there...but i mean...how can you tell? it's so hard...like...honestly...who honestly knows what love is, and how love feels? I don't even know where i'm going with this. But yea...I guess makes me wonder to what extent of love have a truly experienced...haha yes yes i mean i know i'm a loved person :P haha family and friends...but yea...i don't know..haha

On another less thoughtful note, i'm not at school =) hehe freezin rain= no school =) haha yayynesss but yeaaa...haha

i lavvv you all =) happy valentine's day again =) that's all for now

Later Days~

girls, girls, girls

When a GIRL is quiet,Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds,She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you,She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,She wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL sms's u everyday,She wants you to reply at least once.

When a GIRL says I love you,She means it.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "i miss you",No one in this world can miss you more than that

haha i found this.... =) haha

November baybeeee

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique
and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong
clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable

hmm...interesting..haha some of these aren't relli tru..hahaha like...less talkative..hahaha =P

Koinonia retreat =)

*sigh...i got back from retreat yesterday at 5:30 and i miss it...*sigh...it was so much fun...so tiring...but so much fun. wow...I really needed that retreat...i mean ever since baptism...i haven't been the greatest i guess...not on track...drifting a lot..and that retreat helped me see at least the direction i have to go. Honestly...kevin's sermons helped me a lot. Humility, Discipline, and Surrender. THREE TOPICS =) wow...it was just so amazing...you know...like..how God spoke to me, telling me that I need to just let go, let Him do it, and be disciplined EVERYDAY! IT's sucha hard thing to do because so many times i worry, but God's telling me that it's okay...because He will deal with it because He has His will for me and all i need to do is let Him do it...do His will instead of my own. and wow...on sunday..the songs..were amazing...we didn't know the sermon was about surrender your will for His...and our response song..was surrender...God is an awesome God =) truly He is.
It was also so awesome i got to stargaze and stuff...and it's just so amazing to look at God's creation...see the beauty He has created in this world...and it just totally reflects the song Indescribable ....how all the stars in the sky and every creature praises Him, reflects His glory and majesty. wow....i miss retreat but yes...it was totally worthwhile! TOTALLY!

here's pix from retreat if u wanna see:http://www.imagestation.com/member/?name=lil-angel-4ever

for 3ternity

today sermon PJ was talking about our purpose right? and there was something he said that was sooo true...he said that compared to eternity, our life on earth is like a weekend vacation. Sometimes we tend to get all settled in and make sure everything is comfortable and all, but in the end, you're gonna have to leave anyways and in the end, none of it will matter. And it's so true to our lives. I mean so many times I make big deal outta things that really don't matter. Many times we sit there making sure we're happy, making sure we're living life to the fullest. But are those deeds that you see as fullest really pleasing to God? I mean we can just sit there and let the time go by, thinking we're bored and have nothing else better to do...but every minute counts, why not do something that will count for ETERNITY. I mean yes it's exam week..and yes ppl are stressed..and yes ppl wannna get good marks...But i really don't think God cares whether you get a 70 or a 90 on that exam. Sure, He might care how HARD you TRY but in the end, it doesn't really matter becuase it doesn't count for eternity. But instead..try doing something that would count..like praising Him, spreading His Word, praying, doing devos, things like that =) things that are perfect and pleasing in HIS eyes. so what you waiting for? go out there and SERVE THE LORD! =) haha
and don't worry about exams THAT much
it's not the end of the world if u dun get the mark u want to

later days~

carrying the cross

http://www.donghaeng.net/english/cross.htm

i came across this the other day...and just made me think...i mean...we can be like that too..a lot of times...almost giving up...wanting God to give us less problems..less loads so that we can take the shortcut, get there easier. There are times where it seems like our load we can never carry alone..but WE ARE NOT ALONE!...I mean...it may be hard to see God in the bad times...because there are times when I wonder why God is letting this happen you know? but I've come to learn that even my limits, my load, my burdens are a blessing too...because God is testing me, testing my faith, allowing me to live and grow stronger. =) and that's the beauty of it. You always get something better in the end =) hehe but yea =) remember this:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

people who don't really care

you know what...you tell me you care...you call me your best friend..HA! you're really funny..u know what..sometimes you're just so selfish it bothers me soo much! like..honestly...I know i'm suppose to help you and stuff expecting nothing in return..and i do..but when you only care about yourself and just don't care about me..this one way relationship..i wonder if you're even a friend...honestly..and u know what? i really don't care if u read this..because maybe you just need to know the truth...u think i'm joking all the time..sometimes i just aint..i still care...but just yea..simplest things that jus build up..

blessed

It's hard to be thankful for things when you're in the spiritual desert. There are just times where it feels like there is nothing to be thankful of. Sometimes we are so into our little problems we tend to forget the little beauties around us. It's hard, to be thankful all the time, but that's what i gotta learn to do more of. Lately, I've been complaining a lot...mainly on school..and well...for Bible study on friday, Jess gave us all a challenge....try not to complain about your homework...i was like..aww man..that's hard...so let's see...i didn't complain on saturday..and i felt better...really complaining blinds you...from seeing the thinks you should be grateful for, things you may often take for granted. And well i took a lot of things for grated this past week...my friends, my family, and even God. I take for granted the fact that He blessed me with so much. I take for granted His everlasting love and mercy...but..u know what...this weekend..my friend was able to help me see...see those beauties in life...those little things that matter the most....those things...that we see everyday as normal, yet 3/4 of the people in the world don't have. The roof on your head, the food placed on your table, the clothes on your back, everything comes from God. And you know what? as many times as you have heard this..i think we all need a reminder once in a while...to see how beautiful life really is. I mean..we are truly blessed people...so yes =) i think this week is going to be better....i know i have a lot of work..but still...i mean..there are kids out there...in Ethopia and other 3rd world countries..who would love to be you, who would love to go to school..you & i are given the opportunity..and yes...homework may be a waste of time..but sooner or later.you gotta do it..so why not do it with a thankful heart?

-later dayz-

trusting people

Some people can just be really fake. As bad and mean as that may seem, it is also very true. I'm not saying you have to be totally transparent. But when you dislike yourself so much that you decide to lie about yourself, that's too far. I mean...honestly I thought we were friends. Even if I heard other people say things about you, I still cared and to a certain extent trusted you. But honestly you decide to go so far as to lying about your BIRTHDAY what is that?!? *sigh...

Now I just don't know what to believe...you've just put me on a crossroad...I mean yes there were times where I didn't believe you....now it's just...I don't know

What are true friends? People who stick by your side no matter what. People who know you inside and out. People you can just talk to...without hiding anything. For some weird reason, I realized that as you grow older, the less people will accept you for who you are. But hey I mean that's part of growing up is it not? And it's harder being Christian too because those who belong to the world will walk away from you, but you have to understand that it's the right thing, that you may be hanging with the wrong crew.

I don't understand why you would hide yourself so much. *sigh...you can't say people won't like you for who you are when they have NEVER seen the real you. I don't even know what's lies and what's not anymore about you.

me again..haha

I don't know whether it is that i'm bored or is it i have a lot on my mind...

I know i've been really off lately...like i've just been off track on just about everything
I know i've neglect a lot of things, my family, friends, and especially God...
*sigh homework is stressful...getting lazy and tired of doing the same things over and over again.
I know I haven't been the best company
I know i might not have been the best friend
And i'm sorry
I've been so off-track..i needa know how to balance things out..things have been getting a little better i guess..but they're like...centimeter steps...*sigh...burnt out basically

It's amazing...how no matter how pathetic i am...or how ungrateful i may be...or how annoying i can be...God is ALWAYS there for me...it's amazing..and how he provides so much for me still...providing me with the people who never give up on me...
No matter what i do, it's never gonna be enough to thank God because He's just SO amazing and so Big

Count your blessings

>< tired

ahhh school is driving me crazy! there's so much to do!! homework and projects and isps and all these cramming is making me loose sleep.. soo tiiredddd *hai and worst of all...it's making me get off course in my spiritual life. See...when i work late, i get tired, i want to sleep, making me become lazy and not do my devos *sigh... i need to know how to balance out my things....u know..work and God..and family & friends...*sigh...balanceee something that is a very big weakness of me...wow i dun think that made sense ..anyways *Sigh..i need time..to just sit there..be silent...u know...away from stress and the distractions of life.. I need to talk to God..and I need to hear Him talk.*sigh..if onlly it was summer..then i'd go to the park..haha *sigh...i'm getting so tired ><><>

this year...

haha things i wanna do this year...let's see how many i actually get done :P

- grow closer to God --> Prioitize!!
- definately try harder not to fall into temptation
- learn how to snowboard
- build back relationship with people who grew distint
- go skiing
- learn to be more patient
- less judging, more loving
- learn how to sing from my diaphragm :P
- get 90 over average
- exercise more! man so out of shape ><
- loose 10 pounds
- stop getting so angry and offended so easily
- less self-aware :P lolz edwin
- stop complaining about the smallest things and start being more grateful

and lastly...and the most important...DO GOD'S WILL!


wishing you all a happy new year =)