i realized that when i xanga or blog or whatever...it's for other people to read...to update people on what's going on. So what about me? i remember getting blog or xanga at first so that when there's something on my mind...i can just say it u know...so from now on that's what it's going to be...me..inside and out. if you want to know what's going on...you can ask me.
lately i've been feeling empty...not like the lonely empty...more like the...unsatisified...then unfilling hunger of something more. it's like...no matter what good marks i get, or how many people i hang out with, or how many times i call people on the phone, or how many emails i get...they're just...temporal satisifaction. at the end of the day...there's a hole in my heart and soul that none can fill cept for God. I've been drifting a lot...acknowledging it...yet not doing anything about it. it sucks...really really sucks. and im not sure why. perhaps it's because i just don't want to fix it enough...or maybe im too lazy...or maybe i'm too busy...k that last one was a horrible excuse. God always gives us enough time. i believe that. I'm not really going anywhere spiritually. when people say im "hardcore christian" i hate it...because i can't live up to that. I read my devo..this morning...haven't done devos in a while....read the book freddy gave me...My Utmost for His Highest. and today's devo was about solitude with God. wow...it's been a while...since i let go of all my ideas, questions...and just sat in front of God...at His feet and listened. it said that God cannot possibly teach us until we let go of our questions...ideas...anything...and just sit there...in awe...in silence. When there's nothing left...when there's nothing that can satisfy us...when we are in the state of total depravity...He teaches. ha. no wonder i haven't been growing. i've been doing everything for myself...never felt like there was meaning to it...i study cuz I want to get a good mark...i make decisions without the concent of God. I've currently been reading the book Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado (good book)...basically talking about the story of David...and there was a point in time where none of his decisions had God in it...like apparently for chapters, God's name wasn't even mentioned. and in the end...his whole family suffered from it.
There's a sense of nothingness when nothing goes to God...sense of emptiness when none of your decisions are brought up to God. it's time to change that...in everything i do, bring it up into prayer...whether it be choosing university, doing things for retreat, even when going out or doing my work. and may i expect something...not just empty words...but may i expect an answer...because God ALWAYS gives one.
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
-Mark 11:24
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Monday, January 01, 2007
hoi sum new year =)
Happy new years everyone!
this year has had it's ups and downs
those tough, crying days
those crazy unforgetable moments with the coolest kids around
those bittersweet moments
those moments that make you go aww
those awesome late night phone calls or long phone calls that make your arm hurt from holding the phone too long
the cards, the gifts, the letters
the endless emails
those amazing moments where I could jus sit in the presence of God
hehe so highlights of this week, cuz it was honestly amazing! haha and i havent updated in a while.
Jam Day
-lotz of creativity, random playing, and just pure fun =) spontaneous man. TOTALLY spontaneous. good times with you guys : )
- haha going to M&Ms and taking FOREVER to figure out what to eat
- me & mel talkin =) love u girlll
-playing gamecube =) hehe screamin is fun....but my awful lost wasn't. sooo humiliating.darn you darren.
- yummy foood and desert : ) hehe very very yummy
Downhere Concert
- left house at 4:30 and went downtown with dt, mel & kitty
- mel was dying..her head was falling off haha and me & dt being mean about it (volunteer?) haha we love u mel
- went to eaton center for a while
- went to little anthony's for dinner, spent so much =(
- not being able to pronounce any of the food names. HAHA failing when ordering (penne is pronounced pen-ae)
- me & ky talkin about our boys
-cheryl came to join us =)
- movie talk haha aww poor mel. that was day 1 of the 3 day strike movie talk haha
- went to cheryl's room and mel tried to feel better =)
- haha me & ky were flying and eating buildings HAHA (this is how bored we were)
- dt crushed advil and failed, leaving lil bits stuck in ody's mouth
- downhere concert was awesome! saw joses & rachel :) haha i loved the concert!!!! =) so many good times
- dt's "rock stars need money" t-shirt
- desert @ baton rouge =) it was yummy
- cheryl & my "agnes moments"
30th
- went to worship practice : ) got my scary present hehe
- went to eatons like all day =) bought boots & pjs
- got two CDs :)
New years eve
- going to national's and dt trying 2 wear my shoe =/ and i thot he broke it. haha
- wings with hsieh, eric, sharon, justin, & fok jr. haha thanks hsieh! so yummy! haha first time there haha i feel accomplished HAHA
- talkin about double datin' for the holiday =)
- watched pursuit of happYness : ) i love i love. hehe mel kept crying. i almost cried.
- me & ky's love for tarzan haha
- played jenga w/ my cousins and took weird pictures haha
- went to jfok's house after dinner where we watched me, you, and dupree, it was okay. haha
- playing mau. I KNOW HOW TO PLAY NOW haha it was fun, my rule rocks : )
- watching...some..movie that jason really liked HAHA on TV. what was it? something about...this guy who dressed up as a nanny or something? to fix his marriage?
- countdown =)
- he called =)
- we were soo tired, tickling dt is fun =)
-ahha ky screaming when she tried turnin on bathroom lights
- my interesting...chocolate experience
- chocolate mouse cake =)
hehe total joax.
still to come:
- trisia's party
- double date haha
- jammin with my cousins!
hehe =) and i still gotta finish
- chem exam
- bio isu
- study for algeo test
and throughout the break, i bought
- garage top
- guess bag
- feet first boots
- lasenza pjs
- mittens and tank top from urban planet
- and many dinners that left my poor.
this year has had it's ups and downs
those tough, crying days
those crazy unforgetable moments with the coolest kids around
those bittersweet moments
those moments that make you go aww
those awesome late night phone calls or long phone calls that make your arm hurt from holding the phone too long
the cards, the gifts, the letters
the endless emails
those amazing moments where I could jus sit in the presence of God
hehe so highlights of this week, cuz it was honestly amazing! haha and i havent updated in a while.
Jam Day
-lotz of creativity, random playing, and just pure fun =) spontaneous man. TOTALLY spontaneous. good times with you guys : )
- haha going to M&Ms and taking FOREVER to figure out what to eat
- me & mel talkin =) love u girlll
-playing gamecube =) hehe screamin is fun....but my awful lost wasn't. sooo humiliating.darn you darren.
- yummy foood and desert : ) hehe very very yummy
Downhere Concert
- left house at 4:30 and went downtown with dt, mel & kitty
- mel was dying..her head was falling off haha and me & dt being mean about it (volunteer?) haha we love u mel
- went to eaton center for a while
- went to little anthony's for dinner, spent so much =(
- not being able to pronounce any of the food names. HAHA failing when ordering (penne is pronounced pen-ae)
- me & ky talkin about our boys
-cheryl came to join us =)
- movie talk haha aww poor mel. that was day 1 of the 3 day strike movie talk haha
- went to cheryl's room and mel tried to feel better =)
- haha me & ky were flying and eating buildings HAHA (this is how bored we were)
- dt crushed advil and failed, leaving lil bits stuck in ody's mouth
- downhere concert was awesome! saw joses & rachel :) haha i loved the concert!!!! =) so many good times
- dt's "rock stars need money" t-shirt
- desert @ baton rouge =) it was yummy
- cheryl & my "agnes moments"
30th
- went to worship practice : ) got my scary present hehe
- went to eatons like all day =) bought boots & pjs
- got two CDs :)
New years eve
- going to national's and dt trying 2 wear my shoe =/ and i thot he broke it. haha
- wings with hsieh, eric, sharon, justin, & fok jr. haha thanks hsieh! so yummy! haha first time there haha i feel accomplished HAHA
- talkin about double datin' for the holiday =)
- watched pursuit of happYness : ) i love i love. hehe mel kept crying. i almost cried.
- me & ky's love for tarzan haha
- played jenga w/ my cousins and took weird pictures haha
- went to jfok's house after dinner where we watched me, you, and dupree, it was okay. haha
- playing mau. I KNOW HOW TO PLAY NOW haha it was fun, my rule rocks : )
- watching...some..movie that jason really liked HAHA on TV. what was it? something about...this guy who dressed up as a nanny or something? to fix his marriage?
- countdown =)
- he called =)
- we were soo tired, tickling dt is fun =)
-ahha ky screaming when she tried turnin on bathroom lights
- my interesting...chocolate experience
- chocolate mouse cake =)
hehe total joax.
still to come:
- trisia's party
- double date haha
- jammin with my cousins!
hehe =) and i still gotta finish
- chem exam
- bio isu
- study for algeo test
and throughout the break, i bought
- garage top
- guess bag
- feet first boots
- lasenza pjs
- mittens and tank top from urban planet
- and many dinners that left my poor.
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