okay..so today i went to wonderland with eric, jane, natalie, candy, david, and arnold :) haha so much funn :) haha so nat came at like...8:15 this morning...helping me pick out my top for the day. Then she started playing with my monkey..and before we know it, jane came haha. and eric ended up picking us up at like...9:10...wow haha he was early..haha wut a liar..then he goes and takes a dump in my house! which smells like...aww man..apparently HORRIBLE haha according 2 my brother...=P haha so off we went to wonderland with our slow song CD =P haha man..loving eric's slow song CD :P haha so yea...with our three dollar coupon, we got an awesome parking spot and went in....mann the line to the security thing..we were talkin bout the WEIRDEST things..haha like..being pregnant and like...pecs...mannn soo weird...hahha and me and eric went to sledgehammer...haha i hit my head soo many times! cuz they were like..expected yet unexpected..haa cuz i was talking 2 eric too much ahhahhaa soo retarded..haha i hit my head soo many times! but yea...then we lined up for italian job and candee & david came and joined us :) haha so joaxx singing songs while waiting for the italian job ahha that ride is..fun...haha such an unexpected beginning haha but so fun :) haha then...nat & jane went to the fly and the rest of us went to the batt...haha then came..splashworks! woot woot! haha soo funn :) haha mannnn $5 for a locker is soo freaking expensive..haha but yes...we got one...fit all our valuable stuff there..and threw our bags on the grass somewhere in a pile..and went to go play :) haha mann..all the rides were soo fun..like..black hole and super soaker and lazy riverrrrr haha eric wouldn't let me and nat go! haha kept grabbing onto us!. and i got under the waterfall! all nat's fault haha but i guess we're even ;) but yea...and then we went out for lunch at like...3 ..mann soo hungry haha salad & baked potato at wendy's..darrnnn eric eats soo much! ahha oh so very much...lol...xactly $8. haha our parking receipt was like..burnt haha and the guy at the entrance gave us a new one..lolz.....mann crazy how hot the sun is. but yea...then we went on wild beast and dragon fire and is that it? wow that's so little rides! but we were soo tired from walking :( haha oh! we visited dexter at DQ :) haha thx for the discount dex haha but yea...he looks so serious when he's working..haha it's so funny :P haha but yes...basically we stayed there till like..6:30....ohhh we saw lianne twice and we saw..alton, edwin, kenny, trish, & heyman...haha wow hafnt seen them all summer..butyea..haha gonan see them all in a week again...haha mann school's starting..that's scary..and sad..
but yes
that was my day :P haha soo much fun! haha nat's fav ride today: the toilet HAHAHA kk..that's all for now...toodles~
Monday, August 29, 2005
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Koinonia cabby camp :)
wow...came back from camp yesterday..I would have blogged yesterday..but im lazy haha so this camp was just..simply amazing..spending time with the new cabby of 2005-2006 :) So I'm gonna list the highlights..or what i remember..of each day...haha to lazy to put everything in sentences
The car ride there:
- eric & I singing songs from backstreet boys to n'sync to all these slow songs he had...haha
- mel discovering the song "I believe I can fly" and singing it over and over again :P
- mel destroying eric's ipod haha reversing cover and taking it off...and she actually put it on herself..good job mel! haha
Monday (got there at camp)
- set up the tent...cleaned it and stuff...accidently made a stain of deet on jon's tent :P whoopsies
- haha me and liann found mich w/ a knife and begged for mercy =P haha so joax in the tent. haha had fun w/ liann and mich :) haha
- michael and eric decided to cook bananas...haha result: tasted the same..cept squish-ier
- silas and I tried scaring PJ...he ended up scaring us haha and silas like..jumped
- talking to mel in my tent :) haha soo joax haha ninja turtle memoriez
- roasted marshmellows :) so yummyyyy haha mike makes awesome marshmellows
- played the murder game :P haha so much fun
- going to the beach and finding a tree that looked like people with mike, clar & eric...woww soo freaking scaryy
Tuesday
- going to the beach early in the morning and just..stood there....felt nice
- doing devos at the beach and silas kinda kept me company
- finding rocks w/ eric and issy...because "they are free" lolz
- haha PJ, clar, & edwin throwing eric into the water because he threw sand down somebody's top...horrible kid! haha
- hehe me and mel burying our feet in the sand haha and mel kept destroying it! haha and my talking toe =P haha
- singing camp songs w/ Michael, Eric, Isabella, Mel haha soo joax
- mike and eric's fist of fury killing ladybugs..soo gross
- silas hitting me w/ a frisbee..TWICE on the head...:( lost tonza brain cells there
- taking awesome pix :)
- clarence, gilbert, & ivan building their fort troy...haha and having a "mud" fight w/ clarence..haha dirtied my pants! XP
- me and mel's handprints on the sand :) leaving our mark haha
- talking with mel at night and staying outside with the stars till 3 (couldn't stay all night..i was soo cold...i was like..getting seizures)
Wednesday
- hearing lai tao all morning....mann and gilford asking questions all morning haha (do you hate me?)
- sharing from Silas & PJ and finding the rocks on the beach :) soo pretty
- clarence finding a rock that looks like a butt XP
- sitting at the beach one last time before leaving
- talking to issy and eric in the car...
- sleeping on the way home and eating a bite of rolo mcflurry =P
haha this camp was just..so amazing...i don't remember the last tiem i relaxed liek this....i'll have pix up soon..or i do..but im waiting for eric's pix...the pix that I took with his camera :P haha
The car ride there:
- eric & I singing songs from backstreet boys to n'sync to all these slow songs he had...haha
- mel discovering the song "I believe I can fly" and singing it over and over again :P
- mel destroying eric's ipod haha reversing cover and taking it off...and she actually put it on herself..good job mel! haha
Monday (got there at camp)
- set up the tent...cleaned it and stuff...accidently made a stain of deet on jon's tent :P whoopsies
- haha me and liann found mich w/ a knife and begged for mercy =P haha so joax in the tent. haha had fun w/ liann and mich :) haha
- michael and eric decided to cook bananas...haha result: tasted the same..cept squish-ier
- silas and I tried scaring PJ...he ended up scaring us haha and silas like..jumped
- talking to mel in my tent :) haha soo joax haha ninja turtle memoriez
- roasted marshmellows :) so yummyyyy haha mike makes awesome marshmellows
- played the murder game :P haha so much fun
- going to the beach and finding a tree that looked like people with mike, clar & eric...woww soo freaking scaryy
Tuesday
- going to the beach early in the morning and just..stood there....felt nice
- doing devos at the beach and silas kinda kept me company
- finding rocks w/ eric and issy...because "they are free" lolz
- haha PJ, clar, & edwin throwing eric into the water because he threw sand down somebody's top...horrible kid! haha
- hehe me and mel burying our feet in the sand haha and mel kept destroying it! haha and my talking toe =P haha
- singing camp songs w/ Michael, Eric, Isabella, Mel haha soo joax
- mike and eric's fist of fury killing ladybugs..soo gross
- silas hitting me w/ a frisbee..TWICE on the head...:( lost tonza brain cells there
- taking awesome pix :)
- clarence, gilbert, & ivan building their fort troy...haha and having a "mud" fight w/ clarence..haha dirtied my pants! XP
- me and mel's handprints on the sand :) leaving our mark haha
- talking with mel at night and staying outside with the stars till 3 (couldn't stay all night..i was soo cold...i was like..getting seizures)
Wednesday
- hearing lai tao all morning....mann and gilford asking questions all morning haha (do you hate me?)
- sharing from Silas & PJ and finding the rocks on the beach :) soo pretty
- clarence finding a rock that looks like a butt XP
- sitting at the beach one last time before leaving
- talking to issy and eric in the car...
- sleeping on the way home and eating a bite of rolo mcflurry =P
haha this camp was just..so amazing...i don't remember the last tiem i relaxed liek this....i'll have pix up soon..or i do..but im waiting for eric's pix...the pix that I took with his camera :P haha
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I can't take this anymore
I feel so...lost...so confused...so trapped...I feel like I'm dying inside. If only this big chunk of sadness would come out of my head, then I would be a happpy gurl again. Not gonna happen...sometimes...I wonder if i even knew what i was doing in the first place. Why did I go into it? Did i even know what I was doing? *sigh...I don't know...too many questions that I cant seem to answer and it scares the heck outta me. Yet I can't help but think this is my fault. That maybe...perhaps if i cared a little more, then maybe this wouldn't happen. Maybe then we wouldn't be so distant....there wouldn't be as many barriers between the two of us. i don't know...where does it lead the two of us now? I can't help but feel awkward when I talk to you....can't help but feel sad or depressed...*sigh...i guess it takes time. the question is..how long? How long does it take before I can figure out what I want...what God wants? How long is it going to take for me to heal my wounds? How long is it gonna take for me to feel true joy again? to be able to laugh and not feel bad? just...how long....
Sunday, August 14, 2005
COFFEEHOUSE = AMAZING
wow...coffeehouse is over...haha it's OVER! and it was AWESOME! 100% awesomenesss :) seriously...we've worked our butts off for this night and every little bit of it was worth it! I mean...the whole room was just SOO filled with the Holy Spirit and with the amazing presence of God. This day altogether has just been amazing...period end of story. Let's start from the beginning shall we?
Okay so I got to church at 11 this morning to do worship and we waited for like 1 hr for Dexter...then worship surprisingly ended quite early....it was like...1:00 when we ended. So we went out and walked to Tim Hortons and ate and i yelled at Darren a little because he bought an ice-cap. Soo joax at Tim Hortons. haha We made Michael buy a timbit...ONE timbit haha and it was 16 cent. haha soo joax..and Darren came up with the idea of next time, buying one timbit and cutting it into 6 haha soo joax. AND we found out Tim Hortons sells Jam and Peanut Butter Packets...2 for 25 cents LMAO! haha PB & J Sandwich =P haha Darren actually wanted me to go up and order two jam packets and ask for a spoon haha....we gotta try that sometime...but it was just soo funn chilling with the whole worship team =) awesome bonding hahaha and then we went back...and me, mel & darren went to go move tables..until we got tired and just sat there chilling for like..1hr....haha talking and laughing..and me and mel just being stoopid haha and we realized soo many things in the children's sunday school classroom...
a) whales don't fly (yes melody :P)
b) we found jason fok's arts and crafts or smoething on the wall =P
c) and i discovered there was a tree
d) and mel found a flower that loooked like her =P haha
just plain stopid things...and soo joax...it was just so cool chilling with them..and talking about stuff =) haha and darren hates children shows.
Then my mommy told me 2 go home :( ruined my fun haha but yea..went home, freshened up...washing my face and all..and i prayed....and i just realized how far God brought us through coffeehouse. it was AMAZING.
So i went back to church and I found mel and darren..and it was soo joax once again..seriously I lost my voice because I was laughing w/. the both of them all day long :P seriously. And I was creative and saw mel's RUINED (ahem darren) strawberry as a brown ninja turtle (and no im not racist ahha) but yea =) it was interesting haha mel's picture =P hahaha and then darren hid from coffeehouse =P but then i pulled him out so that he can suffer with me hahaha =P and finally..coffeehouse arrived after praying and going out w/ Jon to get food, it finally came..and i was FREAKING OUT...ppl were telling me to calm down but i was just FREAKING OUT...i wasl ike....ahhh and going crazy...but u know what? God worked...seriously! Jessie's message was just purely amazing =) Andrew's testimony was amazing =) God provides, and God works...
anyways..it's 12 like..30 im tired...i wanna sleep..i'll update more 2morrow =) toodles
Okay so I got to church at 11 this morning to do worship and we waited for like 1 hr for Dexter...then worship surprisingly ended quite early....it was like...1:00 when we ended. So we went out and walked to Tim Hortons and ate and i yelled at Darren a little because he bought an ice-cap. Soo joax at Tim Hortons. haha We made Michael buy a timbit...ONE timbit haha and it was 16 cent. haha soo joax..and Darren came up with the idea of next time, buying one timbit and cutting it into 6 haha soo joax. AND we found out Tim Hortons sells Jam and Peanut Butter Packets...2 for 25 cents LMAO! haha PB & J Sandwich =P haha Darren actually wanted me to go up and order two jam packets and ask for a spoon haha....we gotta try that sometime...but it was just soo funn chilling with the whole worship team =) awesome bonding hahaha and then we went back...and me, mel & darren went to go move tables..until we got tired and just sat there chilling for like..1hr....haha talking and laughing..and me and mel just being stoopid haha and we realized soo many things in the children's sunday school classroom...
a) whales don't fly (yes melody :P)
b) we found jason fok's arts and crafts or smoething on the wall =P
c) and i discovered there was a tree
d) and mel found a flower that loooked like her =P haha
just plain stopid things...and soo joax...it was just so cool chilling with them..and talking about stuff =) haha and darren hates children shows.
Then my mommy told me 2 go home :( ruined my fun haha but yea..went home, freshened up...washing my face and all..and i prayed....and i just realized how far God brought us through coffeehouse. it was AMAZING.
So i went back to church and I found mel and darren..and it was soo joax once again..seriously I lost my voice because I was laughing w/. the both of them all day long :P seriously. And I was creative and saw mel's RUINED (ahem darren) strawberry as a brown ninja turtle (and no im not racist ahha) but yea =) it was interesting haha mel's picture =P hahaha and then darren hid from coffeehouse =P but then i pulled him out so that he can suffer with me hahaha =P and finally..coffeehouse arrived after praying and going out w/ Jon to get food, it finally came..and i was FREAKING OUT...ppl were telling me to calm down but i was just FREAKING OUT...i wasl ike....ahhh and going crazy...but u know what? God worked...seriously! Jessie's message was just purely amazing =) Andrew's testimony was amazing =) God provides, and God works...
anyways..it's 12 like..30 im tired...i wanna sleep..i'll update more 2morrow =) toodles
Thursday, August 11, 2005
wow...
wow....coffeehouse is in two days. this is..overwhelming, yet exciting, yet...scary? haha I don't know...just a whole bunch of emotions. But I guess...this anticipation as to how coffeehouse is going to turn out is kinda scary. For the past few days, I've been in the freaking out mode. Seriously I think I joined the "seriously freaking out about coffeehouse club" along..w/ like..mel & stuff...and it was just all so overwhelming and i was just soo worried. And then today....or just now...i read my friend's blog...and he was saying how even though coffeehouse has a lot of technical stuff to figure out...God's using us to bring His people back to Him. And I was just...like..wow...because I dont' know...I lost sight of that...a week ago I was the one telling people that it's gonna work out alright..and I lost sight of that reassurance that God is using us for His glory...and He will work according to His perfect plan.
=(
see my last post was oh so happy...and now the happy face turned upside down :( why? because I'm thinking again...about way too many things...jus....pondering...reminiscing...not knowing what to do...confused...feeling lonely...wanting...a hug? haha the one day i get to take a break from drama...i go and think and make myself upset...aww man...k well I guess i gotta pour it out before it jus kinda starts killing me.
What is worth it? What makes something for you worth it that you keep striving for it? Is something worth it if it's breaking you up and making you die inside? Could we possibly just create an illusion for ourselves to believe that some things are worth it because perhaps we're scared to let go or we just don't want to...because it makes up who we are or we've fought for it so much that we can't just give it up like that? So what do you do? What do you do when's something's affecting everything you do...yet you can't just let go? Do you jus sit there and be confused and i duno...
I'm currently...feeling...lonely? I don't know why...but I just kinda do...I don't know if it was because of yesterday....or I'm just regreting..not of things I've done..but what i didn't do? I've been smiling all week...and yet there's just been so many things clogged up inside of me whether it be coffeehouse or relationships ...I'm tired...i need rest..and i can't because these things....i'm not letting out...causing me to be ready to explode...*sigh....Why smile when you're not happy? I say I want to be transparent..but really how many people know me for me...and i hate it...because I'm so scared...maybe of what others think of me...or what not...I'm tired of bottling everything up...*sigh....I'm tired of inversing my priorities and getting screwed over.
Father God I cry out to you because it's time like these when I realize that I can't do it anymore...that I've relied on myself too much, making myself sick and weary. And Father I pray that You forgive me for not looking up to You for help, not relying on You. Father I surrender it all to you God, placing all my burdens and worries into your hands in prayer.
What is worth it? What makes something for you worth it that you keep striving for it? Is something worth it if it's breaking you up and making you die inside? Could we possibly just create an illusion for ourselves to believe that some things are worth it because perhaps we're scared to let go or we just don't want to...because it makes up who we are or we've fought for it so much that we can't just give it up like that? So what do you do? What do you do when's something's affecting everything you do...yet you can't just let go? Do you jus sit there and be confused and i duno...
I'm currently...feeling...lonely? I don't know why...but I just kinda do...I don't know if it was because of yesterday....or I'm just regreting..not of things I've done..but what i didn't do? I've been smiling all week...and yet there's just been so many things clogged up inside of me whether it be coffeehouse or relationships ...I'm tired...i need rest..and i can't because these things....i'm not letting out...causing me to be ready to explode...*sigh....Why smile when you're not happy? I say I want to be transparent..but really how many people know me for me...and i hate it...because I'm so scared...maybe of what others think of me...or what not...I'm tired of bottling everything up...*sigh....I'm tired of inversing my priorities and getting screwed over.
Father God I cry out to you because it's time like these when I realize that I can't do it anymore...that I've relied on myself too much, making myself sick and weary. And Father I pray that You forgive me for not looking up to You for help, not relying on You. Father I surrender it all to you God, placing all my burdens and worries into your hands in prayer.
I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life.
starting fresh...
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life.
starting fresh...
Saturday, August 06, 2005
=)
Today is saturday...this week has just been pretty darn amazing...or at least the end of it, starting with thursday. I had..worship practice and I don't know what was wrong but we were just like...i don't know..screwing up? ahha but yea...I was like..thinking...why is this happening God..like..what's wrong..and I felt so discouraged..liek..*hai...w/e kinda thing..but then cell group just helped me through that so much! Garway & Silas was leading and it was just soo amazing. Garway was reading this story to us about how Satan's plan is to keep us busy so that we won't have time for God and what not..and i've read that story before...but i guess it really hit me because the first thing i thought of was myself...because I've either been complaining or just..freaking out about coffeehouse and VBC and stuff like that and I was just so overloaded with so many things and it really made me think...Did I give God my time this week? like..did i REALLY? wholeheartedly? *sigh...I've been so busy..and overstressed...and I just need to rest...rest in the arms of God and find peace and comfort in Him. I'm not saying that all my busyness is all Satan's fault because all these things are used to glorify God's name...but I mean..perhaps it's the fact that I overload myself...not what I am doing...but how much I'm doing...so yea...it really made me reflect and realize that I am drifting...that I've always been drifting since like..May...so yea...*sigh and to top off my day, Beverly called and told me she wanted to come to church, which totally made me SOO happy =) hearing one of my friends wanting to go to church puts a smile on my face =) but yea...so that was my thursday :) my amazinggg thursday.
Then Friday...drama practice :) soo joax haha w/ Michelle, Janice, & Eric. Drama practices are always fun..exhausting..but fun :) haha can't wait till coffeehouse! haha and had sports night for fellowship that night. Bev came and we talked and stuff...haven't talked to Bev in a while...so it was really nice :) And last but not least to top off the day, talked with Cheryl becuase I couldn't sleep last night and I guess I just needed someone to talk to :) that gurl is awesome! haha she like made me cry haha =P but yea...made me feel a lot better =) and so yea...the today..worship practice =) fun stuff...finished TWO SONGS! yea! go us! haha thx to darren's thinking all day yesterday =) haha but yea it was really cool =) i felt happy haha and yea...I was talking to Melody today and jsut realized we're both SOO stressed...*sigh..looks like im not the only one..and yea...=) that is my three days =) my three amazing God-given and blessed days...I am in SUCH a good mood =)
Then Friday...drama practice :) soo joax haha w/ Michelle, Janice, & Eric. Drama practices are always fun..exhausting..but fun :) haha can't wait till coffeehouse! haha and had sports night for fellowship that night. Bev came and we talked and stuff...haven't talked to Bev in a while...so it was really nice :) And last but not least to top off the day, talked with Cheryl becuase I couldn't sleep last night and I guess I just needed someone to talk to :) that gurl is awesome! haha she like made me cry haha =P but yea...made me feel a lot better =) and so yea...the today..worship practice =) fun stuff...finished TWO SONGS! yea! go us! haha thx to darren's thinking all day yesterday =) haha but yea it was really cool =) i felt happy haha and yea...I was talking to Melody today and jsut realized we're both SOO stressed...*sigh..looks like im not the only one..and yea...=) that is my three days =) my three amazing God-given and blessed days...I am in SUCH a good mood =)
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